TWT prequel 1: Fragmented
by Matthew1972
Summary: Set post 5x13. Taking it one day at the time Merlin returns to Camelot, where life will never be the same again. Under the reign of Queen Guinevere, the new King and their loyal friends magic returns to the kingdom and for a while there is peace. But there is a new threat coming from the east. Will the invading Saxons bring about the fall of Camelot?
1. In sibbe gerest

**Chapter one: In sibbe gerest**

A small wooden boat glided through the misty waters of Lake Avalon. Devastated by everything which had happened to the man who rested on it Merlin stared after it long after it got swallowed up in the fog. "In sibbe gerest", the prayer lingered with him.

Merlin sat cross-legged in the grass for a long time until exhaustion caught up with him and he fell into a fitful sleep of jaded memories. Everything felt beyond lost to him, and so he did not care about his vulnerable body lying curled up on the ground in the dark of night. Merlin felt downright torn and alone. It was as if someone ripped his heart out and they left him bleeding by the side of the lake.

Arthur, his King and dearest friend, had died in his arms. _"Thank you",_ Arthur had stated his acceptance of everything Merlin was in the end. Angered by the continued onslaught of emotions Merlin wiped the sleeve of his tunic at the fresh set of tears forming in his eyes. The two words tore him apart even further. In his eyes there was nothing to thank him for. When it mattered the most he had failed Arthur. Camelot was lost; their once shared future along with it. What had he left to live for now that he faced it alone? At this point Merlin was completely done with destiny. It had become nothing more than a cold curse; another meaningless word to taunt him in his grief.

Why had it taken him so long to see the truth of his heart? He had not just served Arthur until his last day, but… he had loved him more than any man ought to. The revelation left his mind and heart reeling, and yet Merlin found he had no regrets at all for falling for his friend in the way he did. No, what cut him to pieces the most was to miss out on Arthur's laughter, as well as his stubborn need to face fights head on and the ever infuriating long lists of chores he bestowed on his manservant.

At dawn Merlin sat staring at the lake once more. His eyes at last had gone dry, for he had no tears left to shed anymore. He felt too bone deep tired to even contemplate about whom he could be without his other half and where he should go next in life. Two halves of the same coin indeed. Merlin huffed at the notion of the ancient druid prophecy. Here he was, denied the full extend of what it meant when at last he understood everything about the bond he had shared with Arthur.

Why he got up onto his feet he could never recall. One moment Merlin still sat in the wet grass lost in his despair and the next he started to walk, heading off into the forest on an invisible path. For leagues on end he wasn't aware of where he was going. Even so his feet seemed to take him where he needed to go more than anywhere else…

When the endless amount of trees made way for Ealdor Merlin knew that he'd done the right thing in letting his instinct take over from his rational mind. The sight of his mother coming out of one of the small village houses though brought on a fresh wave of tears. More than anything else he wanted to get wrapped up in her arms. Nothing would ever be right again, but maybe for a few moments he could pretend it was.

"Merlin?" The question his unexpected presence posed her showed plain as day on her shocked face. To his happiness though she needed not for him to call out to her. Hunith dropped her laundry basket and she came running towards him. "Merlin!" She called out his name when she was closer.

Unable to walk on for the emotions getting the better of him he whispered, "I failed him… mother, Arthur… he's…" In the thick of his feelings Merlin lost his voice to grief and he sounded more than a little hoarse, but he hoped that his mother would somehow catch on to what he meant to say and couldn't find the words for.

"Oh, Merlin." Her arms wrapped around his tired frame while her head rested against his chest. Hunith remained speechless by his surprise visit, for which he was grateful. In this moment the last thing he wanted to do was talk.

A few breaths passed before she shifted to look up at him. Her eyes locked with his in turn… and all Merlin could see in her gaze was understanding, sadness and his mother's endless care for him. It was far too much for his shattered heart to deal with though. Unable to face more of it he burrowed his face in her shoulders while he felt himself fall apart anyway under her quiet scrutiny…

* * *

To her shock Hunith felt a violent tremble of emotions wreck through Merlin's body. All it had taken for her to have some understanding about what happened was him mentioning Arthur's name with such intense pain in his voice. It led her to believe the young King had died. What had happened? Did he get felled in battle? If so, the news of it had yet to reach Ealdor. Hunith sensed that now wasn't the time to ask, because Merlin was too lost in his grief. As it was she could barely keep him up from crumbling down into the dirt.

Quiet and resolute in her actions Hunith led Merlin home, where she helped him sit down on her cot. His far too wobbling legs had given up on functioning by then. Seeing him so weak Hunith wondered how he had made it this far. Was it on his sheer will alone? All too often her son tended to push himself beyond his limits and then some. It was a trait she had seen in his father too. With a smile of motherly fondness and a growing worry for her son tightened around her heart Hunith decided it did not matter how Merlin made it, only that he did know to find her when he needed help.

After she wrapped her son up in a blanket and she laid him down to rest Hunith sat down on a chair, unwilling to leave his side until she knew he would not shatter apart any further than he already had. It tore at her heart to see Merlin so lost. Even in his restless slumber he was far from quiet and peaceful. Every now and then mumbled words came from deep within his dreams, none of which she could make out too well.

By dusk Merlin awoke. A small smile let Hunith know that her son appreciated her steady presence, even though in his mind he could not find the words to speak of his loss yet. In silence they drank tea. Hunith passed him some bread, insisting with a gesture for him to eat. As if he did not have the energy to fight her he took a bite. It were his hollow eyes and trembling hands though that made him drop it. Too soon, she realised. Almost afraid to break him Hunith pulled him to her side and she held him in her arms. "I am here for you… always."

The next few days passed by in relative silence. Merlin spent most of them inside of the house where he was born, only leaving when Hunith insisted that she needed his help with a few chores. But even then her son stayed by far too quiet for her liking. This was not the talkative and spirited young man she had put on this world. His body was here, but his mind had stayed behind at a place far away; most likely the site where he was forced to leave Arthur behind. It cut into Hunith to see her son so lost.

A first spark of hope filled her heart when one day she caught Merlin glance over towards the dirt road which led out of Ealdor. His sad eyes conveyed a longing in that moment which his broken heart was not ready to admit to. Hunith had a feeling Camelot still had a hold on him and it called for him to return.

Of course Arthur hadn't been his only friend there. Gaius, Gwen and the handful of close friends (all of them knights) he wrote about in his letters to her were all still back there, waiting for him to come back. Her son had often written about Gwaine too, with whom he shared many fun and sometimes dangerous adventures. Hunith came to look at the man she had never met as someone far more noble than he pretended to be.

Was Gwaine the one Merlin longed to go back to? She had often wondered if what she sensed about their deep friendship between the lines of Merlin's writing was love beyond what most men shared. Did he even realise himself how he felt? Or had her son become so wrapped up in his duty as a servant that he denied his own needs for love?

At last after days of more stolen glances Hunith decided her son had to face his pain in order to move on. She sat down on the garden bench and patted the empty space by her side. "Come sit with me, Merlin. I believe it is time we have a talk."

* * *

Merlin sat down, unsure about how to break the silence even though he began to see how much he needed to. His mother's blue eyes looked back at him, unyielding in her patience and with a glimmer of emotions he associated with her own grief. Of course! How come he had forgotten how well she understood loss?

Hunith had loved his father once. Before he was born his parents shared a short affair, deep and intense no doubt. Balinor, a Dragonlord gifted with magic, had fled from Uther and he'd found shelter with his mother right here in Ealdor. They had lived for each day they could have together… until the growing tension of the Purge forced Balinor to leave Hunith behind. She had never told Merlin any of this, because it was not safe to be a son of a wanted man and to have inherited his gift in a kingdom which outlawed it.

The truth though had come out in a twist of fate. For one day Merlin had known Balinor; one by far too short day… because destiny then too tore him apart over what should have been. His father had died in his arms after taking the pointed edge of a sword to save his son. Even now Merlin could only feel sorrow over what Uther had taken from his family. Had the former King not haunted those with magic… well, at least his son had changed his mind in the end. And that sad thought made Merlin find his voice at last.

"I failed him mother. The one time when Arthur needed my magic the most, I failed him and the future." The words were out of his mouth before Merlin could stop himself. It seemed he was ready to start talking after all. Word for word he told her about the morning when he woke up believing that he had lost his magic and how he went to get it back before the war could break out. He then spoke of how he met the spirit of his father at the Crystal Cave…

"You saw your father?"

The glimmer of hope in Hunith's eyes made Merlin sigh in regret. "In a way. I saw his spirit and so I don't think he was really there… but he helped me get my magic back. I know what I am now, mother, and I have him to thank for it."

For a moment he closed his eyes, remembering everything which he had learned from his strong willed father. He was to live forever or at least for as long as there was magic in the world. The thought still made his head spin. There was no way that he could grasp the concept of it yet. A hundred years was a long time; a thousand years almost unreachable… but forever? No man could live that long. Merlin seriously doubted it and so he dare not speak of it.

Looking at his mother Merlin gave her a wry smile. "I don't think anyone knew what hit them when I arrived at Camlann. All the power I had at my finger tips to stop the battle… and yet, every single action I took and spell I cast came too late. By the time I made my way down into the ravine Mordred had struck Arthur down with that dreaded blade of his. I just couldn't give up though… I had to fight for his life, of course I had to try."

With sadness in his heart Merlin recalled the last two days he spent with Arthur. How the injured King had learned of his magic and how angry he reacted to the revelation at first. The lie of Merlin hiding himself from everyone in Camelot, and worse from the man he served, had come between them rather than the gift of magic itself. Arthur had found it difficult to come to terms with both. To sort his thoughts and reconcile with the truth he needed time to adjust how he looked at his best friend. Over the course of a painful and rather difficult journey of two days Arthur came to see how Merlin was still the same man. In the end he accepted everything his friend had done for him.

Merlin trailed off when he remembered something Arthur had said, _"I don't want you to change. I want you, to always be you."_ The thought rattled the pieces of his heart and warmed it a little. Arthur never said things he didn't mean. Within those words laid hidden the full extend of the friendship they had shared. In spite of the many names they had called each other, or the various insults they'd thrown around, there had never been any doubt between them that they were friends; status be damned. As such, Merlin vowed to himself, he would always remember Arthur with love.

"None of it was your fault, Merlin. Some things are just the way they are, in spite of our best efforts. You only did what you could and I am proud of you." Hunith pulled him closer to her. Their shoulders touched while they sat together in silence. Her words had comforted him and while he considered them they began to make sense to Merlin, even though a part of him would always dwell on what ifs.

After a while Merlin broke the silence, "Almost from the moment I arrived in Camelot I spent each day by Arthur's side. Everything I ever did I did for him and now that I am left behind to face life alone I don't know what to do with myself…"

Hunith smiled before she said, "One day at the time, Merlin."

"Is that what you did when father left?"

A hand touched his cheek before she rose onto her feet. The answer he was looking for was in his mother's wet eyes. "Time heals all wounds; it is an old, but true saying. I am not going to lie to you. It won't be easy… but one day you will think of Arthur and not feel like you let him down."

For a long time after his mother went inside Merlin stayed where he was, contemplating the world from the bench in the garden. Hunith was right; he knew what to do now. Ealdor may be where he was born and where his mother lived, but the true home in his heart was Camelot.

Gwaine would want to know what happened and hear about where he had been. Yes, he owed it to his dear friend too to find a way passed the pain. Gwaine would cheer him up, no doubt. So tomorrow he would go home.


	2. One day at the time

**Chapter two: One day at the time**

Around lunch time Gwen stared out of the window of the royal chambers. On days like today, when the sky was a miserable grey and the mood of her council was similar, she felt like tearing her hair out. Why did she have to face every decision alone? It just wasn't fair that Arthur had left her to deal with… oh no, now she felt guilty for even blaming her deceased husband…

In disgust at the unwanted rush of grief Gwen turned around. She lifted the crown off her head to place it on the table with a louder bang than she intended. Looking at it with sadness she couldn't help but remember how Arthur had placed it onto her head with a proud smile. Their marriage took place only a handful of summers ago, but what little time they had lived and loved together Gwen still cherished each and every memory of it. Lost in thought she touched the crown and stared at it, as if it had the answers for her.

It was how Leon found her when he came to collect her for another meeting. "Milady?" His soft spoken question startled Gwen from her pensive mood. She looked up to find Leon's concerned eyes looking back at her. "I am sorry to interrupt, but we are needed in the council chambers for the second half of the meeting."

When she stayed lost for words he stepped closer to place his left hand on her right shoulder. The gentle gesture made her smile in remembrance of their long standing friendship, which dated back to when they were children. "I am alright. Thank you, Leon."

Putting the crown back on her head Gwen pushed down her emotions in favour of duty once more before she asked, "Will you accompany me to the council chambers?"

With a look of understanding in his eyes Leon accepted that she needed to forget all about her sombre thoughts. Gwen waited for his assured nod and then, forming a united front of friendship, they walked out of the royal chambers together.

Upon their entrance Gwen saw that they were the last to enter the council chambers. A couple of guards closed the large wooden doors behind them. Sitting down at the round table the aura of the Queen of Camelot soon replaced the still mourning widow, who tried to make the best of things. From the instant she waved for the council to begin reports about the neighbouring kingdoms the meeting kept her mind busy on other things. Even so Gwen knew that the offers for more peaceful solutions and reports of restored trust were all due to her husband's efforts over the last few long summers of diplomacy. His legacy seemed to stay with her regardless of her emotions of grief.

Inevitable her thoughts moved on to Merlin, who had remained missing since Camlann. What had happened after Arthur fell in battle there… and what kept his manservant and friend from returning? The message Percival brought back was that Arthur had died. He further had claimed that Merlin wasn't ready to come back to Camelot with him. Gwen had a feeling there was something more to it Percival wasn't saying, but she didn't push him for the truth.

The day Merlin did return she would get him to tell her his reasons himself. Gwen firmly believed that he would; he just had to for the sake of Camelot if not for their friendship. However as time went on she began to doubt her own thoughts, not that she'd ever tell Gaius any of it. Merlin was like a son to the old physician and she was sure it would break his already fragile heart if Merlin would not return.

Maybe all Merlin's hesitancy to return home came down to was his magic? The battle at Camlann had revealed his secret, well… to Gwen anyway. She was not sure of how many others had connected the old man who wielded a power beyond what anyone had ever witnessed to the bumbling manservant of the King. Sometimes she saw the question rise in Leon and Percival's eyes too, but both stayed quiet on the matter thus far.

Or had Merlin's absence to do with the fears the purge and its resulting laws had brought to their town and kingdom? The thought made her feel sad, and so Gwen vowed to herself that she would find a way to bring both Merlin and magic back to the kingdom which was now hers to rule.

Hers to rule… the moment the thought came to her Gwen knew that the time had come for the laws to change. Merlin and every other peaceful man or woman with magic had waited long enough to be recognized for the trust they put in both Arthur and herself.

Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves and prepare herself for the inevitable long discussion she saw coming from afar Gwen addressed her council. "Milords. There is a matter I wish to discuss. Magic… we have ignored it for too long, but we all know it is what saved the day at Camlann. It can indeed be used for good. As such it needs to get legalized and I believe that King Arthur would have agreed with me."

* * *

Merlin never grew tired of the grand sight of Camelot. Even in the grey weather of drizzling rain the castle shone with pride, welcoming him home. Swallowing back the thought Arthur would no longer be there he walked on. Even now there was a bounce to his step for he knew that his friends were there, but at the same time a fear had crept into his mind. What if they realised that he was the one to stop the battle at Camlann? What if they feared him for it? In spite of his doubts Merlin walked on, for he found he could not turn away from his home and not know what his friends thought.

More than anything he longed for Gwaine to understand. Would his friend forgive him for his silence? The knight had always looked beyond the walls of Camelot. He had seen many things on his journeys, which made him more open minded than most… and yet, Merlin had never found the courage to be honest with him. Was he wrong not to? Merlin did not know. All he had wanted to do was protect his closest friends. The less they knew about his gift the less likely the chance they had to make a choice, or worse they had to watch him burn on the pyre. The image of such punishment never failed to make him shudder… not since he saw it happen to someone else on the day he arrived in Camelot.

But then Gwaine had a secret himself, something he held close to his heart. No one but Merlin knew about the fact noble blood ran in the knight's veins. Everyone still believed him a commoner, and Gwaine preferred to keep it that way. He had earned his cloak and knighthood all by himself, and that - so Gwaine told him - meant more to him than titles handed down through blood. Merlin understood his friend's pride and in silence he believed Gwaine to be more noble than he wished to hear.

Climbing up the set of stairs Merlin headed into the castle. Just like old times he walked towards the chambers he called home. An anxious feeling washed over him. What had Gaius made of his absence? He reached for the door and burst inside, not bothering with knocking because he was far too eager to see his mentor.

No one? His heart faltered when the empty room made his call of "Hello" echo into a hollow sound. Where was the man who was like a father to him? Frowning Merlin stepped back out again. Maybe he would go upstairs to the royal chambers to find Gwen then.

After taking a moment to steady himself Merlin opened the door to her chambers only to find it void of people and life as well. The room looked uncharacteristically tidy and clean to Merlin. There were no abandoned clothes, plates, chalices or any of the clutter Arthur used to leave behind. Merlin half expected the shout of his name and an order to follow it, but of course the sounds never came. For a long moment he leaned against the backside of a chair to brace himself against the onslaught of memories.

Once he calmed himself down again with a few deep breaths Merlin concluded Gwen and Gaius had to be at a council meeting. With hesitation he allowed for his feet to take him through the long hallways and around the corner until he stood just outside the doors of the council chambers. The two guards standing at attention by each side of the doors stared at him, both unsure about how to react to his presence and both staring at him in disbelief.

Even from where he stood Merlin heard the raised voices coming from inside. "Magic is only used for evil. We have seen it with the witch Morgana."

Another council member counteracted. "Not always. Remember Camlann, Lord Aldrich. Our Queen is right. You are judging Merlin's actions and the lack of his return too harsh."

"Milords!" Gwen's voice interrupted Lord Aldrich from another argument. "Please… we are at court and I must insist…"

The voices quieted down. Merlin could no longer hear their conversation, but it didn't matter. Already he had a good idea of what was going on inside. Gwen had risen up for him in his absence. It warmed his heart to hear her try to get the council to see magic for what it could be. He also realised that his secret was out in the open and that it could never be hidden again. If he walked out of the castle and the town now, his first instinct, he was giving up on his one chance to get magic accepted by law just like the old days…

No, he had to stay. The way Gwen had stood up for him before, and not even knowing that he heard her she had given Merlin the strength he needed. Ignoring the stares of the two guards he stepped towards the large doors and he pushed them open with a powerful burst of his magic. "Tospringe." It was time to live up to who he was. This was the day magic would return to Camelot… for better, or for worse.

Everyone in the council room fell to silence the instant Merlin walked inside, oozing a confidence he did not quite feel. With a sad smile to Gwen he took a few more steps until he was close enough. Then, unsure about how the face her, Merlin knelt on the floor to speak his message with his head bowed. "My Queen, I am sorry but I have returned to Camelot alone. The King…" The rest of his words got stuck in his throat. It was still too hard to say out loud that his best friend was no longer in the world.

"Oh Merlin." With a firm push of her chair Gwen got up and rose to her feet. In just a few strides she had reached his side and without delay she pulled him up to face her tear filled eyes. "Welcome home."

Unable to speak he let the tears he by some miracle had not shed yet fall. How could Gwen stay so calm and not send him away? Merlin did not know, but it made him feel all the more proud that she was his Queen.

After a moment Gwen stepped back from their hug before she pointed over to the empty chair which stood beside her own. "Please, join us."

With a bow of curtsy Merlin accepted the invitation for the honour it was. Smiling shyly to Percival and Gaius he sat down. Why was there an empty chair next to where they were seated? Where was Gwaine? A rush of panic threatened to spill, but the stern glares from the two older lords who sat next to Gaius had him push his emotions back down. No, it would have to wait!

Looking further around the table Merlin saw Leon nod, assured and unafraid to meet his eyes. Had the senior knight accepted him for who he was? The unwavering truth of his gesture sunk in when Leon did not look away. In a flash he knew what he his friend encouraged him to do, that he had to cease the moment or all could be lost. Merlin took a deep breath then and he grabbed the opportunity to speak up in the name of everyone with magic. Where he found the words he was unsure of and later he would not be able to recall any of them, but he spoke from the heart and in the end it was enough.

What he would remember later was how in the privacy of the physician's chambers Gaius hugged him like there was no tomorrow. In no uncertain terms he told him, "I am proud of you, my boy. I always knew you had it in you to bring about a new future."

Merlin could only shrug at his words, unsure about how else to react and too exhausted from the effort his speech had taken him. It was one thing to be back here and to fulfil at least some part of his destiny, but it was quite another to face the fact that Arthur, the other half of said fate, was not around to enjoy the moment with him.

And where was Gwaine? Merlin swallowed back the sad question… too afraid to face the answer. No one had said anything about the absent knight, and that thought alone threatened to kill what little control Merlin had left over his broken heart. Not today, for he could not deal with the answers he feared most of all.

"One day at the time", Merlin muttered to himself as he took the short set of steps into his bedroom. Tired to the bone he dropped onto his bed, not bothering to undress. He was gone before his head hit the pillow…

Merlin was unaware of the fact Gaius took off his boots and threw a blanket over him. The old physician shook his head, part in disbelief at having his ward back and part saddened by the fact to see him so shaken still. He walked off, stopping at the door for one last glance. "It is good to have you back home", his whisper went unheard.


	3. In memoriam

**Chapter three: In memoriam**

Days passed during which Merlin ignored the empty chair at the Round Table. No one came to fill it… not the man who he needed to see most of all. Wasn't it enough he had lost Arthur? It broke his heart that Percival too did his best to not see the chair which had become a lone reminder of the man who had touched them with his spirited soul. Worse even to Merlin was the fact that he wasn't granted a goodbye. Why did destiny have to be so cruel to twist the blade in his already bleeding heart?

Even more days passed and Merlin still ignored the questions he was too afraid to ask. Instead he focussed on the council members and their remaining doubts about changing the laws on magic. Anything and everything at once to keep his mind from the growing pain of his last and now shattered hopes. Potion drop off rounds for Gaius, answers for Gwen to give the council, collecting herbs… they all were the distractions he needed. How could he even begin to grieve for another when he could barely accept Arthur was gone? No, he would just work and work.

Every now and then though he half expected Gwaine to come bursting into his chambers to brag about his latest conquest, or to drag him away from his chores and off to the local tavern. Once more Merlin swept the tears away, which fell silent at the memory of his dear friend. It was so unfair, but his heart needed to grieve anyway and there was nothing he could do to stop his emotions. Angry with himself Merlin dropped the herbs he was working with to walk out of the door. He never even noticed how behind him Gaius watched him leave with a frown and then a wry look of dawning understanding.

By some mercy no one in the hallways stopped him as he made his way to the answers. There was only one way to deal with his grief now and whether Merlin liked it or not, that was to face each question head on. Maybe once he knew what, or dare he think it who, had taken Gwaine away from this world would he be able to move on…

Heading outside Merlin hurried over to the training field, where the sound of swords clashing and knights talking greeted him. Leon spotted him at once. His friend welcomed him with a smile, but Merlin only nodded to him in turn when he passed him by. In a few quick strides he had reached the far end wall where Percival sat, polishing his sword. Merlin took a deep breath before he found the courage to finally ask, "Percival. There are some things I need to know about Gwaine. Can we talk in private somewhere, please?"

* * *

Days ago Percival had expected the question, but out here on the training field he got startled by the timing of it. One glance though told him the grief had hit Merlin just now. Unshed tears glistened in the corners of the sad, deep blue eyes. Emotions fought a path to the surface, but Merlin didn't release them.

The internal fight reminded Percival of what he felt when he found Gwaine. The sadness, the anger at the unfairness and his regret at freeing himself only when it was too late; it all bubbled back to the surface again. So Percival could only nod his answer. With a gesture of his head he told Merlin to follow him. Once he had closed the door of his chambers behind him and they both sat down Percival began to speak about one of the worst days of his life…

Gwaine and his big heart, which was what they had both loved about him. When Gwaine believed someone was treated unfair he would defend them. It was why he had offered a single survivor of a raid, named Eira, to take her back to Camelot with him. She had lost everything and needed his protection, or so everyone had believed at the time. But sadly Eira had betrayed them all. Too late they'd found out that she worked for Morgana and it had torn Gwaine's caring heart to pieces.

Percival remembered far too well how heartbroken his friend had been when Eira was hung for her betrayal of the King. Tears of silent sadness had spilled from Gwaine's eyes when he witnessed the sentence take place from a window, unable to look away from his misery. When he'd turned to Percival at last he had talked about taking his revenge out on Morgana and who was Percival to deny such a wish, especially when he agreed with it? So off they went together.

"We thought we had Morgana trapped, but once more she was a step ahead of us. Her magic threw me against the ground and I lost consciousness. When I awoke she had strung me up with ropes far above the ground. At first I didn't know if she'd gotten to Gwaine as well, but then I heard him scream in pain so loud. I have never heard a sound like it, Merlin. It must have ripped from his soul. Something she did made him just so scared and I fear that I failed him when he needed me to be strong."

Large, wet eyes looked back at Percival. There was no judgement in them, only a sense of dread and deep sadness. Merlin shook his head, "I am sure that you did everything you could for him. Morgana was powerful, Percival. Too powerful even for me and my magic at times. So please, don't blame yourself for her actions…"

Percival recalled how he had gathered his strength to pull at the ropes. Only on the second attempt did he find the power in his arms to break free and rip apart the binds. As a result he fell to his knees onto the forest ground. One blink of dizziness and he was back up and running. He dashed through the forest to get to Gwaine, allowing for nothing to get in his way. Branches snapped against his legs and bare arms, yet Percival pushed on and on. Less than a hundred yards he had to run, but it turned out too far and he had reached Gwaine's side too late…

By then his friend sat slumped over where Morgana had tied him down. The awful sight of quietness took his breath away for a moment, because for one heartbeat Percival believed that his friend had crossed the bridge between worlds. To make sure he knelt before Gwaine's broken form…

Everything around them paused at the soft sigh when he held his friend's face between his hands. Percival was stunned to find soft brown eyes blink up, alive in an echo of defiance aimed at the woman who'd tortured him. By some miracle Gwaine had managed to cling onto life by his always present and sheer stubborn strength of will. The hold though was too fragile, for his friend slowly faded from where they knelt regardless of the many times before when they had beaten the odds. Broken and defeated Gwaine sighed one last breath, "I have failed." The three words and the haunted look on his slack features were to forever stay etched on Percival's brain.

"Morgana somehow tore the truth about you going to Avalon from his mind and the forced confession broke his spirit. His last thought was of defeat, but it isn't true… it just isn't. Once she had him he never stood a chance, right? He was the bravest man I have ever known. It can't be that he failed Arthur. It just can't be… I won't accept it." Percival set his emotions free in front of the one man who could give him answers and who had understood Gwaine in the same way he had.

* * *

Merlin nodded through his tears. "Morgana must have used a nathair. The serpent itself is harmless, but use dark magic on it and it has the power to get to the truth, no matter how deep it is buried in a man's mind. Gaius once told me that she used one before. Elyan though had the fortune that he was in Camelot and she did not push him over the edge." Merlin paused for a moment to recall what Gaius had recited to him from one of his books on magical creatures.

"You were right, Percival. Gwaine was brave up to the end and no one should ever think any different of him. No mortal man stands a chance to fight the nathair for long. The fact Gwaine got pushed towards his death with so much pain means that he was strong enough to defy her magic and force the nathair to its limits. Nothing about the truth coming out anyway was his fault. It was all Morgana's doing. What she did to him…" Merlin faltered at the full realisation of the amount of anguish Gwaine had suffered.

A sad, but satisfied smile broke through Percival tears. "But she is no more and got what she deserved in the end." Merlin grinned at the way the words of spite were blurted out by a knight who in any other case was gentle at heart.

Wiping at his tears Merlin nodded his head in a hesitant answer. It pained him still to know that he was the one to kill her. "A high priestess of the Old Religion can only be killed by special means and when she threatened Arthur once more I had to do it."

A pause of silence fell between them until Percival broke it with a shaky sigh. He reached into his belt pouch and retrieved something Merlin could not see at first. When the knight opened his palm though he recognized the now broken silver necklace Gwaine had worn for as long as Merlin had known him.

"I found his necklace in the grass. She must have torn it off of him. Merlin, I believe that Gwaine would have wanted for you to have it. He told me once that it reminded him of where he came from. Said you would understand what it stood for." Percival shook his head, "I don't know why, but it upsets me for the things we never said…"

Percival dropped the necklace into his stretched out hand. Once Merlin had caught the precious gift he curled the silver pendant up in his fist to accept it with a wry grin. "Our friend was of noble blood, Percival. This crest and ring… they are all what's left of his family. He never wanted Arthur to know for he insisted blood made no difference."

"Typical, after everything he said about nobility… and yet I understand his reasons. He walked his own path in life, made his choices for better or worse, never fearing the odds when he believed he did the right thing." Percival grinned. "Seems only right then that the man who knew about his secret keeps it safe."

"Thank you… I will." Done with the bad memories Merlin pushed back his chair. "You know what we should do? We should go to the tavern and order a round of mead in Gwaine's name. I don't know about you, but I could do with a drink and what better way to honour his memory?"

His offer met with an enthusiastic nod and a shy wink, "Are you buying this time?"

With an amused shrug Merlin accepted, after all it was his idea and so he had to pay for it. There was one thing he needed to do first though. "Why don't you go get the others? I will meet you all there. I better let Gaius know where I am this evening."

* * *

The moment Merlin faltered before he ran out of his chambers Gaius knew what was going on. Ever since he returned his surrogate son had aged with a wisdom born out of grief. Sadness was a constant presence in Merlin's eyes now, even when he smiled and joked around with the knights. Gaius knew it all came down to the loss of the man they called his other half, but there was someone else on his mind as well; Gwaine…

Sitting down on a workbench Gaius contemplated the way Merlin had ignored the second loss. It had been as if he'd put up a wall, just to be able to keep himself up on his feet and not fall apart. The celebrations for the freedom of magic were overshadowed by the absence of the most open hearted man they had ever known.

Gaius had sometimes wondered if Gwaine knew about Merlin's magic, but he could not be sure and so he stayed silent. Merlin was fearful to share his secret for reasons Gaius could only guess at. Did his ward worry that Gwaine would walk away? Or was he afraid the brave knight would protect him just like Lancelot had done? Gaius knew that some place deep down Merlin was still torn about the sacrifice the noble knight had made.

But even so he sensed Gwaine was different. The roguish and sometimes hot tempered knight had a deep sense of loyalty, a need for a place to belong and a fear for failure. In many ways both Arthur and Merlin leaned upon his strength. It almost amused him how none of the three friends were aware they did so.

Several seasons ago Gaius' eyes had fallen upon a druid prophecy, which claimed the three had an entwined destiny. It claimed their triad friendship was the strongest of all and it would last through time. The day he read it none of them had even met Gwaine, so being the silly old man he was he had ignored it and got on with why he was in the library to begin with. Now for the life of him he could not remember which book it was. It was a shame really, because Gaius came to believe there was some truth in it after all.

Each time when Gwaine had stumbled into their shared chambers, at any time of the day, Merlin's eyes lit up. Gaius had never wanted to know about the mischief the two men were up to. All the same though he always stayed behind with a smile over their friendship. Camelot would never be the same without Gwaine; that was for sure.

Gaius looked up when the door opened and Merlin came inside. There was a small smile on his face at last as he walked over. "I am sorry for being such a misery guts lately."

With a gesture of his hand Gaius told him it didn't matter and that he had understood how his ward had needed space.

"I talked to Percival and it helped."

"I am glad", Gaius smiled when Merlin sat down by his side.

Looking at his hands Merlin said, "Of all the ways he should leave this life… why did it have to be this way? Why did Morgana have to break his heart first?"

The questions had Gaius narrow his eyes. He thought back to the day when Percival returned to Camelot with the sad news of Gwaine's death. The tall knight had been so devastated that no one had pushed him for more. Something awful had happened alright, about this he had no doubts, but what?

Gaius shook his head then to let Merlin know that he had no clue what his ward was talking about. "You are the first person Percival has opened up to. He only told us that Gwaine was brave until the end and how it was Morgana who took his life before he could stop her."

Dark blue eyes of heartbreak turned his way. "It was a nathair, Gaius. It tore the truth about where Arthur and I were going out of Gwaine before the pain killed him."

The soft spoken admission filled Gaius' heart with sadness. For a moment he didn't know what to say, but then he realised neither did Merlin. He pulled his ward in for a hug instead, "We will always remember Gwaine for the friend he was."

Merlin pulled free with a grin. "That is why we are all going to the tavern, to celebrate his life. Will you come along?"

The sudden enthusiasm had Gaius smile. It would indeed be a fitting way to say goodbye to Gwaine. "Maybe one tiny cup then. I don't think my heart can take a full tankard."

When Merlin's smile faltered Gaius looked at him sternly. "Enjoy your life for me, Merlin. My days may be drawing short, but it is only right for someone of my age. I have lived a full life, so don't you feel sorry for me. My knowledge will live on in you and that means more to me than you will ever know. Now get out… lead the way."

Gaius ignored the small twinge of pain in his heart while he ushered Merlin out the door and he followed him with a newfound peace, for he meant every word. Being a physician he knew that his old heart would fail on him soon, but until then he would enjoy the fact his ward succeeded in doing what no one else had. Magic was allowed back in Camelot and Gaius was happy to have lived for long enough to see it happen.


	4. Life's changes

**Chapter four: Life's changes**

 _Five moons after Camlann…_

The morning began unlike any other, until Merlin stepped down the steps from his bedroom and into the chambers he used to share with Gaius. Silence and the lack of the smells of potions already brewing reminded him that he lived alone now. There was no Gaius to greet him, no bowl of barely edible porridge on the table and no chatter about what they each planned to do today. From here on forth Merlin would have to fare by himself without the guidance of the man who had become like a father to him.

Gaius though did not want him to dwell; had said so even before his last breath about a moon ago. Because of his advice Merlin tried his best to ignore the loneliness of the empty chambers around him, but even as he tied his neckerchief around his neck he faltered. "One day at the time", he reminded himself of his mother's advice while he grabbed the last piece of bread to make it his breakfast. Eating too fast, like usual, he knew it was time to focus on what he had rather than on what he'd lost. But where to start? Would Gwen need him today? Or should he take over the position of physician from Gaius?

For once he had no clue where to start. No one had yelled at him to spur him into action. There was no King around who would wake up to Merlin's bright greetings of the day with a complaint either. Not a soul would give him a list of chores longer than his arm that he would moan about, even when he'd always been glad to take it on regardless. A part of Merlin was happy about the calm silence and yet a far larger part of him already missed the distraction as well as the satisfaction of feeling useful.

He had just about washed away the dry bread when he spotted the pile of neatly folded clothes lying on the table. The fabric of each item looked rather expensive; at least next to his well-worn blue tunic and frayed red neckerchief. On top of the pile a piece of parchment was pinned to it. Merlin grabbed the note and he read the words written in the curled handwriting he recognized as Gwen's.

 _"Merlin, you wore these clothes during my coronation and it only feels right to me you should wear them again today. Please humour me, all will be clear soon. It will be worth your while, trust me. Gwen."_

Eyes narrowed Merlin wondered what it was all about. What was set to happen today that he had no idea of and why could he not just wear the clothes he always wore? He was about to rant to Gaius when once again he realised that he was the sole occupant of the large chambers now.

Wiping away at a stray tear Merlin let his hand trail across the soft to the touch fabric. He remembered the day he had worn these clothes for a first time well. Arthur and Gwen had been so happy when they finally became King and Queen, as well as husband and wife. The image which came to his mind had Merlin smile for a moment. They'd made such a handsome couple too. But now with Arthur gone… why did Gwen want him to wear it again?

Lately the Queen had come to him for advice about magic and they had become closer friends than ever before. They had talked about the Old Religion, the druids and of how most of their kind wanted nothing more than peace. Sometimes they had laughed together. And when Merlin told her of how he secretly protected Arthur with his magic she came to understand why he had hidden himself in the way he did. At other times they had cried a little in each other's arms over the man they had lost. Merlin found he had come to cherish the moments they spent together and he knew that Gwen enjoyed them as well.

A few nights ago Gwen had looked Merlin in the eyes and she told him that she knew in her heart that Arthur would be proud of him.

"Ah, but of you more", he had shrugged, unsure about how to handle the praise.

"In a way you have always been an advisor of the court", Gwen mused with a thoughtful look on her face.

Merlin waved it away. "Only for Arthur… and you", he admitted as he avoided her inquiring stare.

Silence had returned between the two of them then, but looking back at the conversation Merlin realised that right there Gwen made up her mind about something she wanted. Was she living up to her promise to reward him for all the deeds he had done for Camelot? Was it the reason why she wanted him to wear these clothes? Merlin looked at the red coat again with a feeling of unease. He had never sought for anything other than peace and for those who were gifted with magic to be accepted; and to not to know fear like he had done.

Part of him wanted to hide where no one could find him. However the knowledge that he would disappoint Gwen had him fight this first instinct to run from the spotlight. "Trust me", she asked of him in the short note… and Merlin could not ignore the two words; not even if he wanted to.

With a roll of his eyes Merlin picked up the dark red coat. After a deep breath he unfolded it to stare at it in quiet contemplation. _"It suits you",_ he could almost hear the words Gaius had spoken when he'd first worn it. Had his dear old mentor been right or was it more because Gaius was proud of how his ward turned into a man on that day? Merlin didn't know what moved him in the end, but whichever reason it was he decided he would wear it for both Gaius and Gwen. With his mind made up Merlin undressed and he set aside his old, well-worn clothes. Soon he was putting on the still rather new outfit.

He had just tied up the laces of the coat when someone knocked on the door. "Enter", he called out with a grin at the politeness of whoever was on the other side.

A guard came inside. For a breath he looked at Merlin as if he saw him properly for a first time. Quick to gather his thoughts he delivered his message in a matter of fact tone of voice, "Sir Leon needs you in the royal chambers. The Queen has fallen ill."

The man had not quite finished speaking when Merlin grabbed his medicine bag from the table while he hurried on his way out of the too silent chambers. Worry for his friend rose up in his heart. What was wrong with her? Going even faster he ran through the many hallways and up the stairs to get to his destination. Almost out of breath he pushed open the large wooden doors of the royal chambers to burst inside without hesitation…

* * *

Every morning since Leon had returned from Camlann he stopped by the royal chambers before he started his duty as the senior knight. There was no proper reason behind his new routine, not one he dared to admit to anyway. It was just a friend looking after the girl he grew up with and who once was a part of his household, or so he told himself at first. It made no difference to him that Gwen had grown up to become Queen. Deep down she would always remain his friend.

Leon sensed how much Gwen missed Arthur and how she struggled with his absence by her side. Grief for a fallen spouse; there was nothing which had the power to hurt a person more. To miss the one you shared your heart and dreams with was like a part of yourself had died along with them. Leon still missed his beloved wife too. Though lately, each time when he thought about her, the pain no longer cut him to pieces.

Sarah had not only been a beautiful woman, but she'd stolen his heart. They had shared two summers of happiness together until the dreaded Samhain Eve came when the evil Dorocha were unleashed from the veil between worlds. The day Leon had returned from the mission to close the tear he learned that she was among those touched by their cold. It cut him to bits still that he wasn't there to say goodbye. Her body had turned to ashes before he even knew she was gone.

Most of his grief Leon, who had always been a private person, had kept to himself, but one day when he had walked into the royal chambers he'd found Gwen staring out of the window with tears in her eyes. For a moment he had paused, but then before he could stop his instinct of friendship he offered her his shoulder to cry on. They had stood together in silence for a long time, while he waited for her to feel ready to wipe her tears away. As she did he had spoken about the loss of a spouse and of how he understood her pain. His offer of comfort had opened both their hearts for healing then. They had sat down to talk of Camlann and what happened there, and of Arthur and what they both wished for Camelot's future.

Later sometimes Merlin joined the two of them, bringing along a jug of ale or something to eat while they talked. Leon listened to his calm advice and his stories about the druids, and their beliefs. Was it possible Arthur could rise again as the Once and Future King? He did not dare to even consider it at first, but when he saw in Merlin that his friend wanted and more than likely even needed to think it possible Leon began to think such a belief wasn't too farfetched after all.

And slowly Leon began to agree with Gwen that Merlin belonged at the royal court as much as they did. Arthur would have wanted their friend to be here, of this Leon grew more and more assured too. Merlin's much earned rise in the ranks for everything which he had done in the name of duty and honour was what today was meant to be all about. But sadly, like always, fate stepped in to rock their world…

That morning on his daily visit to the royal chambers he found Gwen doubled over in her chair at the breakfast table. A whimper of pain fell from her lips. Wasting no time Leon forgot about propriety and he ran over to her side. "Gwen? What is wrong?"

Tear filled eyes looked up at him and the pain inside them increased is worries. "I can't… I am not even sure…" Her anguished voice faltered. Without hesitation Leon then called out for a guard. He ordered the man to get Merlin and bring him up as fast as he could.

Left alone with Gwen again he grabbed her hand, "Tell me what I can do." He'd barely spoken when she fainted to the floor with a soft sigh. With dread in his heart for what was wrong with her he lifted her up in his arms to carry her over to the bed. Lowering her onto the Pendragon red blankets he wiped the stray brown curls from her closed eyes. Leon looked down at her with a worried frown. What was wrong? His unanswered question lingered on his mind.

As he waited for Merlin to make his way up Leon sat down by the side of the bed. His fingers curled around the elegant darker tinted ones of Gwen. Her warm skin against his and the feel of her pulse made him feel in touch with her. Maybe he had no right, but the rules of court and royalty held no power over him in his worried state. He was here to comfort a friend… here to watch over her in name of his fallen King; a promise he had made deep down though the words were never spoken. All the same the vow was his.

* * *

Once more Merlin found himself angered by destiny. Why did Gwen have to suffer yet another loss? Why wasn't she allowed to see to life the one thing she had left of Arthur? Upset he fell down into a chair in the royal chambers. Leon followed him and sat down in one of the other chairs. They both looked back at the bed where Gwen had cried herself to sleep. "Why, Merlin?"

Merlin could only shake his head at Leon's pain filled question. There were so many things he did not know about child birth. He wasn't a midwife, or a physician quite yet. Though he had learned a lot about medicine from Gaius he did not know as much as his mentor had done. No, he would have to study and read a lot more books to gain the knowledge he needed to in order to become a physician himself.

But then, Merlin also had come to see that some things just happened for no rhyme or reason. Gaius had once explained to him how sometimes, even when she did everything right, nature did not mean for a mother to carry her child to full term. Maybe another try would bring the mother a different outcome, but for Gwen there was no second chance; not one she could share with Arthur anyway.

Once more Merlin saw how fragile the balance between life and death was. Not even his magic could change the outcome today. In truth he would have always arrived too late, because the moment Gwen felt the first twinge of pain her child had already been lost. Leaning his head in his hands Merlin felt defeated by fate.

"Merlin… Leon…" At the sound of their names the two men rushed over to Gwen's side.

"I am so sorry", Merlin apologized to her once more.

Gwen shook her head, "It's not your fault. Don't ever blame yourself, Merlin. Maybe it was just stress or maybe it was just not meant to be. None of us will ever know."

Her words made Merlin smile. It was so like Gwen to think of others first and to sound as wise as Gaius would, even in this sad moment. "You just rest for a while, Milady", he added her title to let her know that he still looked up to her. "We will take care of today's council meeting, don't you worry."

An unexpected smile graced her features. "You look handsome today, Warlock."

Merlin sat back down at her side again and he smiled wryly, not sure what to say. Leon grinned at his obvious discomfort, "Maybe we should help him out of his misery and own up to our secret."

With a nod Gwen agreed with her senior knight. "Merlin, you have done so much for us all, for Camelot." She waved away his mumbled protest. "I told you before that I want to reward you, but what I am about to ask of you is also a request for selfish reasons. I want you at my side for as long as I reign. I need an advisor on my council who I can trust to be honest with me and who can inform me about all things magic. Most of all I want no one to live in fear in this Kingdom and I want it to be known that those who live by the Old religion have a place in Camelot too. Merlin, will you accept the position of Court Sorcerer and my advisor?"

At first Merlin listened to her words with growing unease. In his entire life he had only ever done what he felt was right. He needed no reward for his work, because he'd done it all out of love. But when he realised the full extent of what Gwen offered him his heart filled with a burst of joy. Magic was slowly accepted back into Camelot and this change meant there was no turning back from it. Every child born with magic could at last grow up without fear, knowing that their gift was nothing to be afraid of. The dark days in which everyone with magic had to hide were over. With a wide smile Merlin nodded, "I would be honoured to."

"Good", Gwen said as she pulled him close for a hug. When she let go again she fell back to the bed with a tired half smile. "Go to the council chambers, Merlin. Another surprise is waiting for you there." Her eyes closed as she began drifting off. Merlin felt his smile fade for a moment, concern for his friend coming back to the surface.

A hand on his shoulder made him turn. "I will stay by her side to ensure that she gets some rest, and maybe some food too when she awakes. Go and tell the council what happened. Do tell Percival that you said 'yes' to her request. He will know what to do next. Gwen and I will join in the celebrations later."

Merlin smiled at the soft spoken promise. He had seen how Leon looked at Gwen when he thought no one watched him. There was loyalty there, but also something more. It was too early to speak of love and yet in his heart Merlin had no doubt it was there. Merlin felt unsure what to think of it, for he was not ready to see someone else then Arthur at Gwen's side, but then again he didn't want to see either of his friends unhappy and alone. If love was truly what it was then he would try to be happy for them.

With a nod to Leon he walked out of the royal chambers, closing the door behind him. His heart felt heavy still after what happened. Merlin wished he did not have to bring such sad news to Percival and the council, but it needed to be done. As he walked through the hallways he wondered about the other surprise Gwen said would be awaiting him in the council chambers. What could it be?

From the moment Merlin walked into the council chambers all eyes drew towards him. In the tension he sensed how everyone awaited him to bring news about their Queen's health. Spotting Percival among the men he shook his head in sadness at having to be the one to shatter the tight glimmer of hope. "The Queen is alright, but I am sorry to say that she lost her unborn child this morning. There was nothing anyone could do to help her. She is resting now…" Swallowing the pain of it away Merlin focussed his attention at the large knight, unable to face anyone else in the moment. "The Queen further wishes for you to know that I have accepted her offer."

The sadness in Percival's eyes made way for a smile of acceptance and a glimmer of something else. His eyes began to twinkle then, as if there was secret which amused him. Another breath of silence stretched when at last the knight nodded to Merlin. Then turning to face the others the council members in the room he announced in a clear voice, "Gentlemen… Milady, I am honoured to introduce you all to the Court Sorcerer of Camelot, Lord Merlin Emrys."

To hear his name spoken in combination with the title in this assured manner from his friend made Merlin proud and also feel slightly awed. What had he let himself in for?

Abrupt movement to his left caught a hold of his attention before anything else could. A woman dressed in a beautiful, yet modest blue dress and grey headscarf stepped out from the shadows. Sparkling eyes filled with pride fell upon his, and the instant they did he recognized her with joy. "Mother?"

In a few strides he reached her side and he wrapped his arms around her, forgetting all about propriety and where he was in the world. "You did it. I am so happy for you", Hunith whispered in his ear.

Long after the celebrations and well into the night Merlin spoke to his mother about what he'd been up to since he returned to Camelot and how he remembered the words she had spoken to him before he left. How the advice of taking it a day at the time had gotten him through the losses of his friends and Gaius too, as well as the pain of that morning.

"My boy, a full grown man now." Hunith smiled at him, "Look at you… in these clothes. They suit you well. I see so much of your father in you. Both so handsome…"

Out of habit more than anything Merlin rolled his eyes at his mother, before he quietly asked, "Do you really think so?" When she confirmed it with a nod Merlin decided to put away his old clothes and be done with it. If he wanted to be taken serious as an advisor he needed to dress the part. "Will you stay in Camelot?"

"I can stay for a few days before I go back to Ealdor. Got to make sure that you settle in to your new quarters and eat well and all that", she grinned when Merlin winced at her teasing him over his old habit to skip his meals.

"I will miss these chambers", he said wistfully. "So many memories…"

Hunith pulled her son close. "These are the changes of life, my son. Just remember that I am proud of you and I trust that Gaius would have been too. You will do well."

Merlin pulled Hunith close. "I've missed you too, mother", he whispered knowingly as he held her close. For a long time mother and son remained where they were. Tomorrow would bring about change, but it could wait until the sun rose in the sky and they were done talking.


	5. Long live the King

**Chapter five: Long live the King**

It took Gwen a few days to feel ready to face her duty as Queen again. Some people whispered behind her back about the loss she'd suffered and how her power lessened as the ruler of Camelot. At first she ignored the hushed voices of rumours, but each day it became a little harder for her to do so. Slowly Gwen began to see there was a reason for concern; even though Merlin, Leon and Percival stood by her side without fail… and they ensured others shared their loyalty to her as well.

Inevitable the topic arose during the next council meeting. Some members wondered out loud about the throne and who would follow her after she was gone. There was no one left of royal blood; no Pendragon heir to follow in the footsteps of Uther and Arthur. Only a blacksmith's daughter sat on the throne. Though no one came out right to say it to her face Gwen knew they thought it.

Kings of neighbouring kingdoms seemed to take her less serious with Arthur gone from her side. Only Queen Annis understood a woman's plight and courage, but she had ruled at her husband Caerleon's side for so long that she earned a strong position by her fierce reputation alone. More and more every well put argument against her lone position of a widowed ruler made Gwen fear for the peace treaty which kept the five kingdoms united.

"Milady, it may not be my place to say, but marriage to a Lord of proper status would be the best option to ensure the position of our Kingdom", Lord Aldrich spoke up.

Gwen looked around the table and she noticed that a few of the older, more conservative members nodded in agreement with Aldrich. "One could indeed argue a widow's position is not the strongest", one said after some thought.

"But is it our place to tell the Queen whom she should marry so short after she lost her husband, our King?" Leon asked with a barely there shy glance to Gwen, "I think not. She should be able to follow her heart when and even _if_ she is ready."

Lord Aldrich disagreed with Leon's last few words. It did not surprise Gwen how the old fashioned man wanted to marry her off to foreign royalty… and in a way she understood what he meant to do, even though he went about it all wrong. The court remained stuck in their old laws on matters of noble heritage in spite of what Arthur had achieved when he knighted commoners and he married someone without any noble blood in her veins for himself. In part Aldrich's attitude angered her, but Gwen was also a realist and she knew most of their neighbouring kingdoms would share his rather old fashioned laws.

Taking a deep breath Gwen calmed herself down enough to listen to the advice of the other Lords. Of course she agreed that Camelot had to stand tall amongst the kingdoms around it. War could return all too easy and it had the potential to rip apart the fragile peace of the Five Kingdoms if they did not have an accepted and strong ruler…

"What if…", Merlin's deep voice cut through the mumbles around the table. The instant he spoke everyone fell silent while Gwen saw him rise to his feet and walk over. "What if our Queen married a noble man from Camelot? A man born in our kingdom, one who has earned the trust and respect of everyone around this table. Maybe someone the Queen actually knows before she marries him and someone who will give her the time to grieve? What if there was such a man; could everyone around this table agree with me that he'd make for a good match?"

Confused by his suggestion Gwen narrowed her eyes at him. "Where would we even find such a man, Merlin?" Her friend smirked an infuriating smile of understanding while he stayed silent. A few Lords though nodded their hesitant agreement for they saw logic in the alternative idea.

As if sensing Merlin was onto something Percival rose onto his feet. For a moment he looked between them, back and forth a few times until a small smile appeared on his face. After a deep breath he faced Merlin with an unspoken nod of understanding. "I believe you may be onto something there, Lord Emrys. If such a noble man would agree on marriage, then they would have my allegiance and that of the other knights for sure."

At his side Leon spluttered, but he was too lost for words at the way the man he least expected to speak up about such matters did. Reluctant and quietly angry for how his advice was ignored by his two best friends Leon stayed silent. Gwen could see though that he was none too happy with Percival and Merlin.

Lord Aldrich looked between the two otherwise calm knights before he turned to Gwen. "Merlin makes a good point. If there was such a man of noble birth, who could evoke the loyalty of _all_ our knights and the council…" Gwen heard him stretch the word 'all' as he looked to Leon. "Then it would offer Milady a strong tactical advantage. It could benefit Camelot indeed and so I will not stand in the way. I want it noted though that I do still believe a match with one of royal blood is the better option."

Mumbled agreements followed, but Gwen did not listen to them. Instead she stared at Merlin and silently demanded an answer. Again Merlin only smiled before he addressed the council, "I know of such a man, but I will not speak of him here. It is best that I do reveal his identity to the Queen in private. After all; matters of her heart concern her alone." With a bow he walked back to his seat, leaving Gwen to watch him do so.

Just like that the matter got dropped and the council moved on to the next topic of taxes, even though Gwen could not. The rest of the meeting passed her by while her mind kept going over the unknown man Merlin had referred to. Who could it be he was thinking of and, maybe even more to the point, would she be able to come to terms marrying someone so soon after Arthur?

* * *

Not long after the meeting had ended Merlin knocked on the door of the royal chambers. For once he waited until he was called inside. With hesitation he opened the door and he walked into the room. Merlin knew why he had come, but was he ready to throw the truth out there? Gwen had been so patient with him since he returned to Camelot and here he was pushing her forwards while she still grieved for Arthur.

It was unfair what the people asked of their Queen at times. Merlin felt more than glad that he was not of royal blood or even of noble birth himself, because for one all of the ceremonies and rules made his head spin. On days like today he got why Gwaine had hidden the side of himself he could not reconcile with and he saw that Percival did too. The large knight though had become a beacon of support to Merlin from the moment he figured out his line of thought. "Gwen and Leon will understand, I know they will."

It was that firm believe which carried Merlin forth towards his friends. "Gwen… Leon", he greeted them, not in the least surprised to find Leon had arrived before him.

"You have some explaining to do", the knight said with a hint of anger in his voice. Merlin knew that he had upset Leon with coming forth about Gwen's future the way he did during the meeting. Over the last few moons the knight had become protective of Gwen, even more so since the day she lost her unborn child.

"Milady, I wish to apologize", Merlin began before he fell back to their friendship with a wry smile. "Gwen… I never meant to push you into doing anything. All I wanted was for the Lords to be silenced on the matter. Neither one of us in these chambers will ever forget Arthur. Believe me, I can't for the life of me erase him from my heart and so I shall not. It is just everything we have fought for, including our King. If we wish for Camelot's allegiance with the five kingdoms to be strong then we should find it in our hearts to move on from where we are now."

Gwen nodded and gestured at a chair. "Sit down, Merlin. I am not angry at you. Over the last few days I have been thinking about my future as well as that of our Kingdom. I fear the council is right in saying an unmarried Queen is not the best thing for Camelot. Earlier you said you had a suggestion. I am willing to listen to it."

Merlin sat down with a smile. In the past Arthur had often bragged how wise Gwen was, and while it was also love talking there was a truth to it. When the going got tough Gwen knew how to step back from a problem and look at it from a fresh point of view. Merlin had seen her do it during the final part of the council meeting. Her thoughts seemed to have strayed, but now Merlin could see that she'd considered his suggestion all along.

Risking a glance at Leon and seeing the wonder in his eyes as well Merlin decided to face the music. In spite of the knight's nearly over protective stance it was clear that he too wanted to hear what Merlin had to say. Merlin had a feeling though that Leon would not react well if he had a disappointing answer for them. With a smile to himself he began to speak, knowing full well he'd at worst would render his friends speechless. "Gwen, I can think of only one man who would stand by you no matter what. He is a loyal friend, a trusted knight of Camelot and a man born of noble blood. Arthur believed in him too. In fact, he bestowed the man I had in mind with the honour of senior knight…"

Two pairs of wide eyes filled with stunned realisation and shock. Merlin wasn't surprised when by the time he trailed off Leon looked at Gwen at the same time she turned to face him. "But…", Leon's quiet voice couldn't quite form the words.

"You mean you had Leon in mind?" Gwen asked once she found the courage.

Merlin nodded his answer. "No one doubts Leon's loyalty and you two are close friends already, have been for a long time. Just think about it and take your time. No one knows who I had on my mind, so my suggestion is only for the two of you. I have seen how much you care for Gwen, Leon. You will always stand by her and you can wait for her for as long as she needs you to. Gwen, he can't replace Arthur, but this way neither one of you has to live out their days alone." Merlin got to his feet and he walked out to let his words settle between his still speechless friends.

Once outside of the door he released the breath he wasn't aware he held. His heart hurt for his fallen friend. What would Arthur think about all of this? Would he understand how his wife needed to marry again for the sake of the Kingdom they all build? Merlin hoped that if somehow one day he got the chance to tell him that Arthur wouldn't judge any of them too harsh for feeling forced to move on in his absence.

* * *

In the next summer Camelot celebrated as one. A knight kneeled before his Queen, looking up at her in silent happiness and determination for a moment before he bowed his head. Of all the changes in his life this was the biggest one he had ever faced.

Gentle hands placed the crown upon his head. "By the sacred laws vested in me, I crown you, Sir Leon… King of Camelot", Gwen announced to the court and her husband. Every word filled Leon's heart with pride and joy. For his entire life he had fought for Camelot and now to be crowned ruler of his home seemed like an impossible dream, one he… if he were honest… felt honour bound to embrace.

Leon looked up when Gwen grabbed his hands. Smiling at his brand new wife he stepped up to the dais to stand by her side. An unexpected surge of love bubbled to the surface while he locked his eyes with hers. At last… in this moment… he was not afraid to admit that he began to lose his heart to the woman he called a friend after all.

"Long live the King", Gwen called out into the courtroom.

While his knights returned the shout with pride for their commander Leon felt himself get pulled closer to her. A kiss was pressed onto his lips before Gwen admitted in a whisper, "Thank you for being patient with me. Leon, I do believe I love you."

Under loud whistles and cheers from the gathered crowd Leon pulled her close for a second, more passionate kiss. "I love you too", he whispered against her ear as they walked out of the courtroom together to begin their married life.

"Thank you", Leon mouthed the words when he walked passed Merlin. Everything he had in this moment was all due to the warlock. So many sacrifices the younger man had made for his Kingdom and here today he offered Leon his full trust…

In spite of their shared happiness for a brighter future though there was something of a sadness on the face of the man he called friend. The two of them were survivors. They had outlived the man they served, and even now in the cheerful atmosphere of his coronation Leon understood why the both of them could not celebrate in the same way as those around them did. Arthur's shadow lingered in the crown placed on his curled hair. His legacy was gone… except that Leon swore to Merlin earlier that he would hold on to it for as long as he lived.

To show one last time that he intended to keep his promise Leon nodded to Merlin. Deep blue softened and just before the royal couple walked out of the room Leon caught the shout rolling from their friend's lips. "Long live the King."

* * *

 _Two summers later…_

Merlin dropped his heavy book filled with spells when a guard knocked on his door. The man walked in without awaiting his reaction. "Milord, the King calls for you. He says the time has come." With a big smile of recognition of what Leon had meant Merlin leapt out of his chair and he ran out into the hallway. Walking up the stairs two steps at the time he then turned to run the final stretch and burst inside the royal chambers, catching his two friends laughing together at his stormy entrance.

"Arthur was right… you will never change, will you, Merlin?" Leon crossed his arms and looked at him with a mock serious look. After a while though he faltered and grinned, "Take care of my wife, Warlock."

Merlin nodded while he chuckled a little at the amused way Leon had reacted to his arrival, "Always, Sire." In truth he knew that the longstanding joke between them held no ill feelings for he had the key to the royal chambers anyway. Ever since Arthur had died and Gwen had lost her first child it had become his and Leon's way to ensure that Merlin could always get inside if he had to. He had once promised he would try and learn to knock, but in his excitement of today he had honestly forgotten.

Leon clapped his back in agreement of the sentiment and amusement at their shared awe at was about to happen. Then more nervous no doubt than he let on the King walked out of the door to wait outside together with Percival, who had been a quiet and solid presence throughout his reign so far.

It was about a day later when Merlin and his three friends sat staring at their little miracle. Princess Sarah had her mother's tinted skin, but her father's smile and alert stare. She was just perfect in each and every way, or so her proud parents thought. Merlin could not help but be just as amazed by the first royal child he'd brought into the world with a little help of his magic.

Percival looked at the infant girl. After a breath he admitted with a fond smile that they would all be wrapped around her little finger in the seasons to come. Hope for their kingdom made them all smile in answer to his quiet remark. It seemed to them that at last the future of Camelot was safe…


	6. Druid intervention

**Chapter six: Druid intervention**

 _Ten summers later…_

Life in Camelot flourished since the period later known as the Golden Era had arrived, but as the days passed him by Merlin felt more and more lost. When he looked in a mirror he could see no changes to the young man he was when he became Court Sorcerer. Not a wrinkle marked his face and not a grey hair could be seen amongst the black mess of short hair. While everyone around him aged the signs of time didn't mark him. It made his friends look at him with questions in their eyes. Merlin wished he had the answers, but how could he explain what he had yet to figure out for himself?

Forever was an impossible long time, but the crystals had shown him that he would still live to see a far off time when the world around him changed beyond recognition. The visions he'd seen scared him and at the same time they also made him smile. One day he would be a father of a dark haired boy with the deepest blue eyes he'd ever seen. It was a happy thought, for he found he loved children.

Each time young princess Sarah, her two younger brothers and their friends knocked on his door they persuaded Merlin to tell them his tales of the Great Dragon, or maybe he could share an adventure of the brave knights of Camelot. Some days he spoke about the Once and Future King too, who would one day return when everything seemed lost. Druid prophecies and tales of brave quests were part of their history and there was no better teacher than Merlin. It also became his way to remember Gwaine and Arthur, and the only way he knew how to honour the important parts they had played in the rise of Albion.

On the days he spoke about magic to Sarah she begged him to show her what he could do with his gift. Of course he never disappointed her curious nature. A flower would blossom to life on his palm or a dragon made out of tiny drops of water flew through the air to fade into nothingness the moment he let go of the spell. It filled his heart with joy when he saw how the children and the odd passer-by were all free to enjoy the beauty of magic without being afraid.

But none of the happy moments gave Merlin answers to what it meant to live forever, and so he became restless. Not even the crystal cave offered him answers. The few times when he had visited the magical place he wished his father would appear to him again, but Balinor had never showed. _"The answers are within you",_ was whispered on a fleeting breeze inside the cave one day. Merlin thought it had been his father and so he'd shouted his name, but to his sadness no more advice was forthcoming. When the crystals only showed him darkness and troubled times Merlin had run from the dark place. It was the last time he'd felt brave enough to visit.

Many summers later he would laugh at the humour of lady fate, for it was when he stopped looking that Iseldir returned to Camelot to bring him answers. His tribe had always lived in the forest, and even after the laws had changed and his people were set free Iseldir stayed true to his nomadic nature. Merlin hadn't seen him for at least five summers or so, but when his eyes fell upon the druid chieftain he saw the man had changed only in appearance. His hair had gone almost white now, but the mysterious smile and kind eyes were something he would always remember him by.

* * *

 _"Emrys",_ Iseldir used his mind's voice after he caught sight of the warlock. There was no change to Emrys' appearance. The blatant agelessness in his still younger friend seemed to be more than just a druid prophecy. There was a sense of loss and restlessness in the depth of Emrys' eyes, as well as a profound yet quiet sadness barely contained within. To see the war of emotions play on the unchanged face before him had Iseldir realise why the Goddess had come to him the way she did.

For a long time Emrys had lived in the name of destiny. Everything he did and would do was to fulfil a prophecy which would only end at a time far into the future. No one knew how long the warlock would live, but some believed it was forever. It was why the druid people named him Emrys. Iseldir could never think of him as Merlin; not even when everyone else around them called the man by the name his mother gave him. It just didn't fit him the way his druid name did.

Deep blue eyes sparkled to life with joy before Emrys clasped his wrist in greeting. "Iseldir, it is good to see you and your tribe around again. Welcome back to Camelot."

With an answering smile Iseldir clasped Emrys' wrist in return. "We came to find you this time, Emrys. I have come to take you away from Camelot for a while. There is something we wish to show you…"

It amused Iseldir when the blue eyes narrowed, just like he had expected them to. It was a clear sign to him that a protest formed in Emrys' brain. Iseldir had no doubt the plain hesitance related to Camelot and its rulers. Even with the Once and Future King gone Emrys seemed bound to the town. While he understood why the younger man felt this way he did not agree. Albion was more than just the town of Camelot for it was also the forests, the hills and villages beyond it. Emrys wasn't born a druid, but he was a child of the Old Religion and it was about time he learned what the old ways entailed. Iseldir was firm in his belief that it would help Emrys in his long life ahead.

Side by side they sat down on the stairs which led up into the castle. "All this will be here for a while yet", Iseldir promised and when Emrys stayed silent to listen to what he had to say he continued. "You have lived for others since the day you came into this world, but at some point you have got to learn to live for yourself. The passing of time already has a different meaning for you, hasn't it?"

The wry nod told Iseldir all he needed to know. "Let us show you there is no reason to fear who you are and what is to come. Visions of the future are not set in stone; you can still make it what you want it to be. Live Emrys…"

Iseldir rose to his feet. "We will await you in the Darkling Woods. Give us a full moon cycle to show you the path forwards into the future." Walking off he felt Emrys' eyes on his back, but he didn't turn around. This was one step the still young warlock had to take by himself.

* * *

Nomadic life with the druid tribe was easy going. Merlin found comfort and a natural peace with them he had never expected to feel again. Iseldir showed him the beauty of nature, told him stories and he explained how magic to the druids could be found in every fibre of the world around them. In some ways Merlin had always felt its presence, but he never allowed himself enough time to just sit down and enjoy it. The freedom to just walk where ever the day or their moods took them made him smile like he had not for some time.

Another unexpected source of joy was Kendra; one of the four adult children of Iseldir. Her warm and spontaneous nature touched his slow healing heart. They laughed together while they searched for food to eat or a stream to quench their thirst. Often they spoke of whatever thought played on their minds. Kendra listened to him like no one else had. She didn't look at him with awe for being the great warlock Emrys and she also didn't expect him to live up to a destiny he never wanted. All she saw in him was the young boy from Ealdor who grew into a brave man. In her manners she reminded him of Gwaine, because she flirted with life… and with most of the men of the tribe too. Yet time and time again she came back to walk by his side.

Merlin listened to Iseldir, who told him of life and how every moment needed to be enjoyed as if it was the last one he had. His tribe had lived on the run and in hiding for so long, but every day they were not caught was celebrated. While some of their close ones had fallen in the dark days after the purge they were all unwilling to give up on their beliefs and somehow they'd found a shared comfort in what they still had left between them. Merlin found their spiritual strength inspirational. When he admitted as much Iseldir smiled at him in a manner which said, "I told you so."

In the winter the tribe found caves to shelter them from the cold. Merlin often woke up to find Kendra sleeping curled up close against his side; her eyes looking at him with promise before her lips found his to kiss him good morning. He saw her do the same thing to other men too and her easy flirts confused him. Did she want him, or not?

Unsure about what to think he tried to keep his distance from her, but Iseldir would have none of his hesitance. "My daughter is a force of nature, Emrys. Her heart and spirit are like the butterfly. She won't sit still for long, but if she chooses to spend time with you… enjoy it. Listen to your heart, and live for these moments you have together. Enjoy the affection she wishes to share. Love is what keeps us warm and alive, remember that."

With the arrival of spring came the sunshine and the growth of fresh green leaves on the trees. The druids came out of the caves to walk off further into the hills. While everything blossomed to life around them so did Merlin's heart. Though he still mourned his lost friends it no longer hurt so deep it tore him apart on every moment of the day. Slowly he found a way to think and speak of Arthur and Gwaine with more than a fond smile.

On some days Kendra listened with wide eyes to his stories about life at Arthur's side. Merlin came to see that she understood their bond without words, and in her arms he at last dared to let go of his pain and tears. On the days when it hurt too much to speak she wrapped herself around him before they made tender love underneath the stars. It felt wonderful to him, and odd at once, to just be for a while without demands or threats to the kingdom he still held close to his heart.

* * *

The world turned to a luscious green while the days drew longer. Iseldir led his tribe and Emrys even further into the hills in the west. He knew that with every step forwards that his path of life was getting closer to the end, but he had found his peace and faced it without fear. The ancient spirits had foretold him that soon he would find another way to be. His people would never truly be left without him for his gift was passed down onto his son and then the sons after him. Long after his body would leave the mortal world his spirit remained. It was the way of life, and so Iseldir found solace in the endless cycle of the world.

Walking next to Emrys he showed the younger man, who had become a close friend, the barren and steep hill top coming up in the distance. It stood high and proud among its neighbouring peaks, and the green fields around. "This is what I wanted to show you. From the top of that hill you can see the world lie at your feet and the wind will blow freely around you for no tree stands in its way. It is a place of freedom and of magic."

Emrys looked at him, a frown on his face, and asked, "What is it called?"

"Local druids call it Pen-y-Fan."

Eyes narrowed at the old foreign language he had used, but Iseldir didn't enlighten his friend. Emrys would soon enough understand what the name stood for once they were up there. Iseldir though was in no hurry to reach the summit. At his age moving fast was no longer a concept his body understood; and knowing what awaited him he decided to enjoy every breath he had left before he got up there.

With a smile Iseldir realised Emrys had fallen into the same relaxed pace his people had always lived by. It almost felt as if the younger man had walked with them for ages, but Iseldir knew that his journey with them would not last long this time around. Change simmered on the horizon. It promised dark times of battle and everything which came with it coming towards them from the lands far beyond Camelot. Soon the town would be just a lost moment in history. That was, if his bleak vision proved right…

On the morning of the summer solstice Iseldir awoke Emrys. "Come, walk with me. The top awaits us." He smiled at the yawn and the look of confusion in the younger man's eyes. Watching as he let go of Kendra, who slept in his arms, Iseldir kept his emotions of the moment locked inside his heart. His daughter was as beautiful to him as ever and he almost gave in to waking her up too, but he knew that if he did he would not be able to walk off. So he shook the impulse from his mind while he waited for Emrys to rise to his feet and grab his few belongings. Moments later they walked off into the dawn.

The sun peeked just over the summit of the Pen-y-Fan when the two men began their uphill walk. Iseldir glanced at the green top before he turned to Emrys with his mind's voice. _"Feel the presence in the earth and the air, Emrys. This place will touch you in more ways than one, but do not fear its ancient power."_ Out loud he added, "Magic, it is more than the gift inside of us. It is what binds us humans to the earth. As long as there is balance the world will thrive. Lose touch and everything falls apart."

For a moment the words lingered in the air between them. After a while though Emrys held his eyes with a look of understanding. "I was once told that I am magic and slowly I begin to see why. The power of this place I can feel it touch my skin while it pulses deep inside my veins as if I am tune with the earth itself. It is…" Iseldir smiled when Emrys faltered, unable to find the words to describe the beautiful tingling of the magic inside their souls and minds.

"As a boy my father taught me that these hills around us were shaped by the Goddess of nature. Caridwen brought walls of ice and large stones to create a safe haven for my ancestors and all of our descendants. As long as we honour her as the mother of the creation of life magic will remain hidden within these hills. It is said that only those of us who are pure of heart can feel and see all of its beauty. Maybe, if the spirits are willing, Caridwen will show herself to us on the summit, but I must warn you… some believe this can happen only if one leaves this world behind."

Silence descended over them for a while as they walked on. Iseldir sensed how by his side Emrys mulled everything over. It was like he could see the wheels turning within to connect the dots he had left behind throughout their journey. Soon there would be questions, of this Iseldir was sure, and soon Emrys would understand why they had to come here together.


	7. Top of this place

**Chapter seven: Top of this place**

The sun rose up higher by the time they ascended on the steep dirt path. Ever since Iseldir pointed out the hilltop to him Merlin had felt a bit on edge. Like always there was an aura of mystery to his friend, but today it seemed Iseldir was even more evasive than usual. From the moment he got woken up Merlin knew that the hill above the valleys was why they had come here. The story about Caridwen, Goddess of nature, only enhanced his feelings of nervous tension.

"Is magic the reason why you took me on this walk?" It could never hurt to try the direct approach, even though Merlin doubted whether he would get proper answers.

"You young people are always in a hurry to get answers to your questions, aren't you? Even when they are staring you straight in the face."

Merlin smiled wryly at the amused sounding answer, for he didn't share the feeling. What was the answer Iseldir pointed at and why did he avoid speaking it? The druid chieftain often had a reason behind the things he did. Most were not apparent and took a while to unravel. Only a few answers stood out clear as day to those who knew him. This one however left Merlin puzzled for several long breaths.

Even after four seasons of travelling with the druids Merlin never completely understood his friend's logic… and yet for once the reason dawned on him with one long glance at unguarded eyes. A tear betrayed Iseldir's sadness and acceptance of what he had seen coming. It almost felt like his friend expected to say a goodbye. Could it be?!

"No…" Merlin stopped walking. Shock caused his voice to tremble when he begged for the truth not to be so cold, "I can't… not again. Please, tell me it isn't so."

For a moment Iseldir stayed silent. A trace of determination sparkled into his eyes while his mind's voice came to Merlin. _"The cycle of life is nature as well, Emrys. I do not fear it and neither should you. I did not take you up here to say goodbye, though in all honesty this will happen too. I came here to help you accept your fate."_

Iseldir walked on and Merlin could only follow. Out loud the druid chieftain continued, "Goodbyes are a part of living. Your life won't end next summer, nor will it end a century from now. Our kind call you Emrys for good reason, and while you know it too you have yet to fully accept who and what you truly are."

This time Merlin's heartfelt question stopped Iseldir in his tracks, "What if I can't accept it, because I don't want any of this? I have never asked to be the one who always gets left behind by the ones he loves."

Knowing eyes held his for a moment; nothing but sympathy and kind patience looked back at him from within. "None of us asks for our fate, Emrys. Not you… and not I. We just are what we are."

* * *

With a sigh Iseldir sat down on the ridge. The summit lay at least a couple of hundred yards ahead of them. He felt too tired though and it saddened him knowing that he would not make it all the way up this time. Emrys' plea had cut straight to his heart and Iseldir felt lost for words at the pain barely concealed within them. Why had the Goddess come to him instead of someone else?

Patting the ground on his side he suggested for his friend to sit down as well. With some hesitation Emrys did as asked. After a while Iseldir found the words to his feelings, "I saw my parents burn at the hands of those who feared their magic, but I heard their voices in my mind when they helped me escape the same faith. One morning I held my wife as she died and in the evening I read a bedtime story to my eldest child. He now has three children and a beautiful wife. To my joy I have seen their grandchildren in my visions. Emrys, our lives may be ending one day, but before we leave we have touched those who come after us and in a small way we will live on in them. See the beauty of life, my friend. There is an unending cycle to it that can never be broken."

A tear escaped Emrys' eyes before he said quietly, "I will outlive everyone, my children included. How is any of this fair?"

Iseldir bowed his head in understanding. "It isn't, but when is life ever playing fair with any of us?" With a wry smile he looked up towards the top and then back to his friend. "When I am gone, go up there for me. Feel the sunshine on your face. Do not remember me with sadness, but with joy. Trust that we will meet again."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I have seen the future." Staring off into the distance he recalled how Caridwen came to him in a vision. She'd told him how Emrys had lost his way and that she had chosen Iseldir as the one to help the warlock find his path into the future. Flashes of the past and the future passed in front of his eyes to convince him. Iseldir had shrugged them off though, because he had not needed much persuasion to aid the friend he admired since even before they met. Emrys had freed magic and as such the world owed him a favour, or at least that was what Iseldir believed. So he'd told his Goddess the truth, _"It would be an honour to serve him."_

As if she sensed he was near the ghost of Caridwen appeared up on the path ahead, but this time she did no more than smile to him. Iseldir knew that she waited for him to follow her into the world beyond the life he had known. In fact, he could already feel himself fade away into a peaceful darkness. The time had arrived for him to put his tired body to rest, but there were a few more things he wanted to tell Emrys and so he fought his fate for a few moments longer.

"The world will change, my friend. Dark times will fall over your Camelot and it will never again be what it once was. Please, promise me that you will find your way in life. Travel, see what is out there and love those who walk the same path you do for a while. Hold them dear with all of your heart. Every man deserves to be loved."

"I am not so sure…"

Iseldir could not help but interrupt Emrys in his protest. "You will find the strength within you, trust me." His last words were almost whispered, but Iseldir was barely aware of it. As tiredness took a stronger hold of him he fell to the side and he got wrapped up in a pair of strong arms. Slowly he slipped away to the world beyond until with a final smile he looked towards Caridwen, "I am ready…"

He never felt how Emrys lowered him gently to the ground and closed his eyes to the world he had left behind. One stone at the time the cairn on top of his body got build. It marked the passing of a dear friend, a powerful druid, who was the leader of a tribe which would walk the Earth long after the day he left it. Son after son would continue a long line of druids… well into the 21st century.

* * *

For a long time Merlin stood on top of the Pen-y-Fan to look at the world below his feet with tears in his eyes. By the time the sun lowered in the sky a smile played on his lips at last. The deep, green valleys and the other barren hilltops around him were a sight to behold, but Merlin didn't stare at them anymore. He closed his eyes instead when he felt the magic rise from the earth and flow in the air around him. "Top of this place", the true meaning of the hill's name came to his mind upon the gentle summer evening breeze. Merlin grinned at the way the name suited it so perfect. Iseldir had been right; coming up here was worth the climb.

It was with reluctance he left his spot on the summit. With one solemn nod to the cairn he said his goodbye to his friend. Forever would be a long time, but Merlin no longer feared it. Encouraged by his friend's advice he descended further down the hill. Iseldir had shown him it was better to have loved and lost than to not to have lived at all, because he wasted his life waiting for the impossible. Even so Merlin knew deep inside of his heart that some part of him would remain incomplete until the day Arthur returned, and dare he hope it Gwaine too. His first destiny would never be entirely forgotten and it didn't have to be either, or so he decided. It had given him days of joy; ones he would cherish for as long as he could remember them.

The moment Merlin returned to the druid camp he found the tribe already knew what had happened. Elvin, the oldest son of Iseldir, and Kendra awaited him while the others had already left to continue the endless walk of the tribe. _"Emrys",_ the new chieftain greeted him. "I thank you for taking care of our father in his final moments of life and for fulfilling his last wish. It has been an honour to know you. If ever you need to walk in peace for a while come and find us. You are one of our tribe now." With a nod and a wink to his sister Elvin walked off.

Merlin saw a fresh set of tears well up in her eyes and so he pulled Kendra close to offer them both some comfort. "Why does Elvin believe that I will leave?"

For a while she stayed silent and when she finally spoke there was regret and some sadness in her voice. "Your life is still in Camelot, and mine is with the tribe. The Queen needs you as much as my brother needs me. The world around us is changing and the seer warns us all for what lies ahead. You must beware, Emrys. Darkness comes from the east and Camelot may fall if it does not stand together."

"The Saxons", Merlin understood at once the cold truth of what Kendra told him. The foreigners who had once chosen to side with Morgana had stayed silent for a long time since the high priestess met her demise. It seemed though that they had not remained idle, something the knights of Camelot too had feared. After several peaceful seasons it were the druids who had sensed their return… which could only spell trouble for Albion.

Narrowing his eyes in realisation of how his path curved back home Merlin accepted the fact that neither one of them had any other choice than to stay true to who they were. Even though he had enjoyed his time with the tribe he knew that he could not walk on with them and leave Camelot behind to face this foe alone, without his powerful magic to help them. He had to go back and warn his friends, even when it saddened him to part ways with Kendra.

One last battle then? It was either that or let go off the values Arthur had evoked in them all. No, he could not give up on Camelot without a fight! And with that thought he realised that the town and its people held a far larger piece of his heart than Kendra ever could. What they had shared was his first stolen moment in his long lifetime, one which gave him the reprieve he had needed from destiny and duty.

While he held Kendra even tighter Merlin kissed her on the lips. He felt assured by the idea that she'd find someone else among her tribe to spend her nights with. Everyone loved her kind heart, and in a way Merlin found he was at peace with it. A woman as beautiful and open minded as Kendra needed to be loved; he would never deny her that. She thrived on affection and on friendship, in the same manner Gwaine had done. It was what attracted him to her in the first place.

What they had shared was special, for she was the first woman he had lain with and as such Merlin would cherish the memory of the time they spent together for as long as he lived. "I will miss you", he admitted with a fond smile.

Kendra pulled back with a grin and a wink. "Ah, but I will miss you more."

It was the same joke they'd always shared. Even when they were parted but for a moment they would not leave without a joke or kiss. More than anything they had done it to tease Iseldir, who in truth was more amused than anyone by his daughter's antics.

In this moment though the words spoken between them served as their goodbye to the fond memories they had shared together, which included her father. Neither one of them would come to regret the choice to part ways… and that was alright with the other.

After sharing one long meaningful look Kendra turned and she walked away from him, off into the forest where she belonged. Merlin knew that she would not look back, because her views on life were always aimed towards tomorrow. Still he could not find it in his heart to walk off before she disappeared altogether between the trees. Only when he knew for sure that she was back safe at her brother's side did he head home to Camelot.


	8. Beginning of the end

**Chapter eight: Beginning of the end**

The small kingdom of Nemeth fell into the hands of the Saxons from Mercia around the same time Merlin returned to Camelot. And it was but a few days later Princess Mithian sought refuge in the stronghold of a town he called home. To their shared sadness her father Rodor had fallen. His frail age had no longer been a match to war and battle… even though he had stood tall and proud until the day he died for his people.

The Mercian leaders and their Saxon army, which had once had helped Morgana, had also swept through Escetir with the killer efficiency of a sharp blade. Rumours soon rose about what little remained of Cenred's legacy meant nothing to King Lot, who had tried to fight off the invaders and lost in spite of his brutal manners towards strangers. For once it were not other people's heads which were displayed in the castle.

It was only by sheer stubborn determination so far that King Odin refused to surrender his smaller kingdom. But for how much longer could he cling on to his borders?

Odin's neighbour, and the last country of the five kingdoms, Caerleon had not faced the Saxon army head on yet, but no one in Camelot doubted that they soon would get drawn into battle as well. Therefore their King Leon sent a messenger accompanied by three knights in red cloaks rode off to warn Queen Annis about what awaited her. The brave men were to carry his reports with them on their shared enemy's movements.

The three remaining Kingdoms of Albion needed to form a united front, but how? To Merlin's sadness it seemed a hard task to get the Camelot Council alone to agree on a way to bring about a union within their walls. At the latest court meeting the opinions of the various council members stood further apart than ever before…

Lord Barton, who had always come across as conservative and fearful of the Old Ways to Merlin, even had the audacity to claim that magic was behind the downfall of Albion after all. "Uther would have never allowed for it to weaken us so…"

Under a glare of King Leon the nobleman faltered. "The past is done. We need to focus on the future of our alliance, and how we can strengthen our borders to give refuge to those who are willing to stand by us."

Percival took the cue to talk, a calm aura of quiet strength in his manners as he leaned forward. "I have ridden along the eastern border, Sire. There is no straightforward way to keep control of it. Escetir has always fended for itself, because King Lot never wanted any aid to bring its fractured court together. He wanted to rule by fear and found his harsh laws got thrown back into his face by the Lords who abandoned him before battle even begun. As a result both Engerd and Oakdale are once more riddled with bandits, smugglers and slave traders. The castle of Escetir too is all but ruined."

"What about Ealdor?" Merlin had listened in growing fear, and he blurted out his question regardless the rules of propriety at court. He was just too worried for his mother, whom he had not spoken to since he walked off with Iseldir.

Leon winced before he looked at Merlin. "Last we've heard is that the villagers have fled to the mountains. The day before your arrival we received word from a village elder; a short note in which he requested refuge in Camelot on behalf of twenty men, women and children."

Gwen looked between them before she nodded to Merlin. "Don't worry, we have granted it to them. As we speak Sir Raynold and a dozen of our best knights are riding out for the mountains to aid them." She smiled in a gesture of comfort, "If Hunith travels with them she will be here in a day."

Relieved that Gwen saw it fit to protect the refugees Merlin smiled his thanks to her while he crossed his fingers in his mind in a prayer for his mother. She had always been strong and resilient to him, but he feared for her life all the same. Hunith wasn't as young as she used to be, and not even as unhindered by age as she pretended to be.

Setting aside his worries Merlin offered, "After they arrive we should all gather behind the town walls. The lower town and the fields beyond are vulnerable at best. I can cast a protective spell over the houses, but it won't hold indefinitely. It will give the people enough time though to run for cover to the citadel if push comes to shove."

"Very well", Gwen praised his input.

Lord Barton cleared his throat to say, "We can not be sure whether King Ecbert of Mercia seeks to destroy us. For all we know they may wish for an alliance with Camelot. I have heard Hwycca struck a deal and they have not lost their borders… maybe we should do the same."

Leon nodded. "It is possible indeed we can negotiate with Ecbert for peace. That said, I do think it is best we prepare for more than one option. In the past Saxon soldiers have sided with Morgana _against_ Camelot… and so we need to be on high alert from now on, no matter which path they have chosen this time. At some stage we can invite them to court for talks. For now though I say we proceed with caution…"

"Sir Percival", the King turned to his senior knight and friend. "Increase the number of patrols on the eastern border, and send ten of our knights to Odin to show him that he can rely on our support. The kingdoms which have remained standing so far need to stick together."

"Yes, Sire."

* * *

In the royal chambers Leon stared out of the window which overlooked the courtyard. Though he did not quite see the people who walked down there he took comfort in the fact most of them went about their daily chores. Once he too had started his days early, always working hard. Now that he was King though he felt a different sort of pressure and responsibility. Every single man, woman and child down there depended on the choices he made… and it weighed heavy on his soul.

More than ever he understood why his fallen friend Arthur had on some days looked close to wanting to pull his hair out. It could be so frustrating to deal with a torn council! Some Lords made his life easy, for they worked with him and sought to serve their king with advice and well thought out ideas. Others though… well, Leon realised with a grin… they were every inch the despicable noblemen who looked out for number one like Gwaine so often had grumbled about. Gods, on days like today he sure missed the man's throw away comments filled with humour, as well as his unique view on life.

News had come from Odin's Lands, and it was far from good. The King had lost his life when least expected. All it had taken was betrayal in the form of a pouch of coins handed to the manservant who served him until his last breath, and a vial of poison.

Odin was a hard man to like, one who had never made the life of others easy. The saddest thing to Leon about his reasons for being so headstrong and sometimes far from diplomatic all came down to the loss of his son… who got killed in a tournament by none other than King Arthur, then still a naïve prince. On the surface Odin had begrudgingly accepted his last apology, but who knew what was being said in his court behind closed doors? The manservant had whispered in his King's ears right up until the day he poured him the last drink and killed him on the spot.

It was no wonder, nor was it unusual, that insidious rumours of old grew stronger in the wake of a powerful man's death. Whispers of Camelot being behind the fall of Odin could not quite be vanquished; no matter how hard Leon and Gwen vowed it was untrue. To the sadness of their council and court they had to stand by and hear that Odin's Lands were gifted to Mercia in name of peace and a new alliance. They no longer wanted anything to do with Camelot!

The message of that choice hit hard around the Round Table. Where the leaders of Camelot were unsure before about which road to take before now the tear between two choices drew as sharp as a line in the sand. Lord Barton, the oldest son of Aldrich, had made a powerful speech about how they too needed to embrace the Saxon ways and cast magic aside, even if just to save the people and their home. "Is magic worth losing everything else we've worked so hard for?"

Leon had watched in stunned shock and a touch of pride when Merlin reacted to his spiel with a dark glare. " _We_? It was King Arthur who won the battle of Camlann, _with_ the aid of magic… or have you forgotten? We've had many seasons of peace, made a powerful allegiance which would have stayed strong if not for greed."

"Whose greed, Lord Emrys?" Barton had huffed, "I have only ever stood by my King and Queen, even when they are not of royal birth. The choices we have all made around this table led us to here… on the brink of losing our town, our home."

"No", Percival disagreed. "The soldiers have not arrived yet. There is still time to rise up against Mercia."

"Agreed. What remains of Camelot when we let go of our values and everything we have fought for?" Sir Raynold had put his finger on another one of Leon's sore spots. "King Arthur showed us the way and Sire, you have watched over his legacy to date. We can not give in now…"

Barton had not let noble reasons and advice from a 'mere' knight change his mind. "What use are old values and staying stuck in them when lives are at stake? No, I say we invite King Ecbert to our court and admit defeat to him, before all is lost."

At that point everyone had started to mutter, or talk in a growing discussion of heated arguments. In the chaos though Merlin remained quiet. Leon knew that his friend was still considering strategies, and possibilities for his kind to aid the knights. Ever since word came first about soldiers closing in on Albion the warlock had begun to dig in his heals in name of Camelot. On his call magic gifted folk had shown him how to aim arrows and spears without a bow. Working together; it became the motto Leon embraced and he knew half of his council did too.

But why not the others? Was he wrong to hold on to what he had always fought for and believed in? Barton had spoken well. Even though Leon could not reconcile with what his intentions and reasons were he had to admit the man had a flair with words. It upset him that he had never been a talker himself. People around the table had looked at him for a reaction of inspiration, but all he had managed were commands, words of action rather than elegance and passion. Merlin had a far better tongue about him. Was that why Arthur had let his servant write his speeches?

Staring out over the courtyard Leon could not fathom why some Lords were so fearful of their cushioned status that they'd rather sell out the values Camelot still tried to stand up for. Was it greed like Merlin said? More and more Leon did not like the fact that he could not hold his court together in the way Arthur had. People had no trouble following his predecessor. The former King had evoked loyalty, courage and a strong sense of one united front in others. Why… and how? Leon did not quite know.

Uther had ruled by fear, and by sheer strength of stubborn persistence. Odin, Rodor… and even Lot had been great personalities too. Annis as well had more of a presence than he did. In his quiet consult of his mind Leon decided that he needed to become stronger, drive a harder line towards his torn council so that he could enforce the union they needed so much. Yes, he decided as he saw a new group of refugees arrive, the people would have to see that he too could be a King during war time.

* * *

Camelot had always looked glamorous and beautiful to her, but as Hunith leaned on her uninjured leg and walking stick she looked over the courtyard with a sad sigh. It had fallen so quiet this dawn that she could not help but feel alone. Even the soldiers who stood on guard had solemn looks on their faces and their swords seemed somehow dull in the sunlight. Was it her age which made her look at the world with such sadness? She had always been optimistic before…

But as she began to cross the pavement of cobblestones she remembered the world outside the gates. Her home had burned. Ealdor got turned to rubble… just like so many other small villages she knew well. She had seen desperate farmers try to beat off the soldiers, but their pitchforks were no match to chainmail clad and well trained men. Not once had the enemy cared to listen to their screams. No, all the battle hardened men had cared for was land and victory. Hunith though saw no glory in the blood smeared bodies of her lifeless friends or their thatched houses which got rendered to ashes.

She had arrived in Camelot with nothing but a spark of hope left. Merlin would know what to do… and his friends too, or so she had clung onto her belief. King Leon indeed had listened to her version of events and he had promised that she would be safe, as were her friends from Ealdor. But in the bright light of day she felt less assured. What use was a royal promise when the enemy soldiers marched over in a large army? Recent messages and reports from the patrols brought only more bad news as the days drew colder in preparation of autumn.

Towns on the outskirts of the Kingdom had fallen, and worse than that Mercia had managed to wedge a gap between Camelot and Caerleon. Roads were unsafe now, even when they should not be. No longer could messengers or knights travel between Annis' castle and back to Camelot again without risking enemy intervention. Some whispered about betrayal, because every patrol came back with a few men down, no matter when or where they travelled. It almost felt like their plans were thwarted from the inside out.

Merlin had grumbled to her about certain council members. Through his stories and complaints she began to see more and more what was lost on the day Arthur died. It was dangerous ground when values like loyalty and brave noble pride for their people began to slip. King Leon seemed a good man to her in every way. He was loyal in his friendship to her son, and his kindness had offered many more refugees a roof over their heads. As far as she could see he had no mean bone in his body… and maybe that was why the council grew more and more divided?

Whispers stretched further into the dark, and even in the light of day. Hunith had heard how some began to believe in Barton's colder stance towards magic users. To her it was easy to see how he tried to point blame and failure at everyone but himself. The fact though that he spoke them with elegance and well chosen words only aided him in his point of view… but what goal was the man aiming for? He said he wanted to make peace with Mercia. Was it even a possibility still when the enemy King never returned Leon's messages for peace talks?

Defences rose firm around town. Every man stood on high alert… even those with magic, though most of the more peaceful druids had fled the area by now. Hunith worried for each person inside the walls. With a shiver she tried to shake off the thought so she could focus on the main reason why she came outside. Where was her son in the quiet of the tense morning?

Again Merlin had not even slept in his bed, something she realised when she saw the neatness of unwrinkled sheets. The silence in his chambers had met her like a cold winter chill. For too many days now his eyes had grown hollow due to tension and a growing lack of sleep. Every time when she had asked him to stop for a rest he had argued against it or he had excused himself by saying that Leon and Gwen needed his council. As ever he carried too much weight on his shoulders.

On the other side of the courtyard Hunith shivered once again in the cold breeze. From the training ground her son came walking towards her. Black messy hair stood at odd angles from the slight humid weather, a few magic induced grey strands of hair among them. The added wrinkles on his face further showed that her son was an older man now. Hunith smiled wryly at the clever manner in which he had begun to age himself in order to hide the fact that in truth he could not. It saved him from scrutiny by those wary of him, or so he had told her. His latest appearance had Hunith falter though… because the older he masked himself to be and the longer his hair grew the more he looked like his father.

Hunith shook herself from her musings. Her attention instead shifted to her son's slumped shoulders and determined yet somehow unhurried stride which belied the fact that he was more tired than he would admit to anyone. "Mother", spotting her he greeted her with a small smile which failed to reach his eyes.

"Merlin? What is it, son?"

"The first line of defence fell and the last few patrols have retreated behind the walls. Sir Raynold and Percival rode back as fast as they could to inform us. They have estimated that the Saxons will get here before sundown. There is so much we need to do… and I am afraid it won't be enough."

Seeing his resignation dawn Hunith grabbed his hand to stop him from his sad train of thoughts. "Rest first. You may be immortal, my son… but you can still get sick. Let Leon and his knights watch over us for a while. They do know how to do their duty, you know. And you will be of more use to them when you are rested."

His wry smile at last had his eyes crinkle in amusement at her care. "Yes, mother."

Hunith just shrugged while she hooked her arm into Merlin's welcoming offer of support to walk inside together. She knew that he liked to mock her mother instinct to protect him, but it was only out of love for her and to hide the fact that they both feared the inevitable siege which laid in wait for the morrow. Would Camelot stand or fall? Hunith dare not dwell on the question for she feared the outcome would break her son's last hold on his never quite healed heart.


	9. Under siege

**Chapter nine: Under siege**

Once the town got held under siege at last a message from King Ecbert landed on the Round Table. Merlin though glared at the piece of parchment in disgust. "Surrender to my rule", the main message of the letter said. "I'm going to steal your land and crown, and I am prepared to do so by force."

No matter how elegant Barton tried to disguise the harsh words there was no way those who stayed loyal to the values of old could agree with the terms. Mercia would rule over Leon whose decisions had little weight left if Ecbert had anything to say about it. Worse than that the man out for conquest had not even acknowledged Queen Guinevere in his letter or his terms. All he had further mentioned were the vaults and how its contents would suffice as payment for their lives.

Word of Mercian rule had come from a crumpled Albion. It was whispered King Ecbert cared not for the people, not unless they paid incredulous high taxes and they obeyed his laws without protest. Ecbert was ruthless to the poor and he bathed his trusted Lords with riches, until he was bored with their grovelling. Some then got sent away. Others had disappeared and nothing was heard from them since a last disagreement.

"Sire, Milady, you must accept. It is the best way to end the siege before we get dragged into a war we can not win. A treaty of surrender will save lives, not only of this court and our knights, but of the people as well." At last Barton finished his useless, to Merlin's ears anyway, effort to unite the council behind one solution.

Leon looked at Gwen for confirmation; a wordless gesture which Merlin had seen them share so often since they got married. When she nodded in answer to his unspoken question Leon began to write his reply in name of them all. "We will invite King Ecbert and his consorts over for peace talks, but immediate surrender is not a viable option for these terms are not acceptable. The Queen and I refuse to sell Camelot for a gold coin to watch our people be enslaved in name of the rich."

"Hear, hear", someone muttered while Barton glared at the King in dismay. "But sire…"

Gwen held up her hand to silence him. "Our decision is final."

For all but the remainder of the day Merlin felt like the letter Leon signed in name of Camelot offered them a slight victory. Between the spoken lines during the meeting he had understood the quiet strategy which grew more solid the moment Percival excused himself. More than written words the exchange of letters offered them a precious delay from the oncoming fight to further prepare the knights, soldiers and the dozen trained magic users Merlin had instructed to defend the town.

Battle was inevitable, which Leon knew from his long experience as senior knight, and he acted according to that knowledge. Ecbert was a leader who craved power beyond all else. No one stood a chance against his greed… and yet, Camelot would not bow, not on Leon's watch at least.

By evening Merlin, Leon and Gwen walked along the battlements. The plan of strategy had at last fallen together, and they wanted to see for themselves that everyone was in place. Merlin assured the royal couple that the defence on the walls was stronger than ever before. He explained how the dozen of druids spread out around the town would each ensure the archer's arrows burned far more deadly. Their magical flames could not die, not for as long as their spell lasted anyway.

Sir Raynold bowed as they passed, sending Merlin a nod of respect in its wake. He smiled in turn when the knight laid his hand on the cloaked shoulder of his companion, a younger druid named Adair, who would aid him during the siege and battle ahead. The unprecedented sight of the two of them working so in tune together had Merlin feel proud even though he felt bitter about the reasons for it in the first place. At last knights and druids no longer feared each other's strengths and weaknesses…

No, the time had come when they could be friends. Raynold and Adair sure were an example of how foolish Uther had been to deny them all of such companionship. The two had found common ground in tactics, aided further by Percival's steady input for the gates of the town and their King's overall ground plan. Where Merlin had put protective spells into the mix it had been Adair who delved into a darker territory of magic. The iron arrows for one had each benefitted from his potions and further magical enhancement to fly faster to their targets.

As they walked further away from the two men Merlin realised that Raynold had not quite removed his hand from Adair's shoulder. In fact he squeezed it for comfort. The gesture betrayed the fact they'd become more than friends, for they were now brothers in arms. Looking back at them one last time Merlin saw them both stare towards the enemy camp in full alertness and tension of what came next. Camelot was as ready as it could be… and no matter the outcome, at least these two showed that the old values were not lost.

* * *

Chaos reigned the next night. Ecbert had not wanted to negotiate any further, and to Leon's sadness he attacked without any provocation or warning. Though his people were prepared for the battle Leon did not like the odds at all… and of course none of them did. Percival had done a rough headcount from the wall on the day before and he'd come up with numbers which suggested that for each Camelot soldier stood four armed Saxons.

"Fire…" Leon ordered the archers on the wall to rain down their arrows again and again, showering the enemy with sharp iron. To his dismay each fallen man got replaced by two more soldiers. The enemy was as relentless in their answering fire as they were in their attack on the drawbridge. Even from where he stood on high he saw how hard Percival swung his axe to fend off the foot soldiers aiming to get in through the gate.

On the southern wall Sir Raynold rushed passed him in a flash of chainmail. Leon smiled when a druid shadow followed in his wake. Quick he stepped to the side to let the two friends get on with the fight. Though Leon had come up to lead his men for a while he knew that he could rely on the fact most of the older knights would not surrender their station until he called them to retreat.

Done overseeing as a King ought to Leon unsheathed his sword and he joined the fight by the side of his knights, most of whom he had led under the guidance of Arthur. Parry after parry he fended off two soldiers and soon he sent them crashing back down to their deaths at the bottom of the wall. Blood spat into his face when a third one struck lucky, slicing his blade into his arm. Leon ignored the wet splashes in favour of meeting the man on a next blow. Not even aware of the pain due to the adrenaline in his veins Leon ripped into his opponent with a fierceness which belied his usual calm.

A Camelot knight appeared by Leon's side just when he struck the fatal blow. "I may be King instead of a knight now, but wielding a sword is as easy to fall to for me like riding a horse", Leon winked to the younger man who'd once been his squire. "Come with me… Percival needs more hands." They ran inside and down the stairs, gathering several more men along the way. Once in the courtyard Leon spurred them on to join his friend and knight commander in his defence of the main gate. "No one can get passed the bridge! If they do we're all lost. Go!"

Leon ran along with them, flashing a brief though wry smile when Percival gave him a grim nod of relief. Though his taller friend stood strong by himself he had lost many of his men and the defence of the bridge and gate suffered for it. Now stronger in numbers again they stood a better chance of keeping the enemy out of their home.

"For the love of Camelot!" Someone shouted, and after a breath Leon realised the old battle cry had torn from his lips. He threw himself in the fight then, because he was unwilling to think about the tragedy of loss and how wrong it felt to ask so much of the knights fighting by his side. Two younger men had fallen since he came… how many more would die on this small stretch of land?

An axe swept his way and Leon ducked just in time to avoid a direct hit. The swift move of the weapon ruffled his curls, but the iron did not touch his flesh. Not having the breath left to sigh his relief Leon put his weight back onto his left leg to swing his blade towards his enemy. Blocked on his first effort he tried again… and again, until something knocked hard against his head. In reaction to the blow he stumbled and fell down on his backside, twisting his wrist as he did. Stunned by the sharp burst of pain his trusted sword slipped from his blood covered hand…

But where Leon expected to get cut down a different shadow than he expected loomed up above him instead. A large hand reached out to offer him support to get up and Leon grabbed it in gratitude of the rescue. "Percival", he grunted out his pain.

"Inside with you", his friend wasted no time on pleasantries. Instead he shouted for a servant to take care of the king for him. "Bring him to the infirmary to get patched up."

Leon thought of protest, but Percival shook his head when he swayed where he stood. "Not a word. I've got this, Sire." In a flash his friend threw himself back to the fight while the servant tucked on his sleeve in a wordless request to follow orders.

Once in the infirmary, sitting on a stretcher amongst his fellow injured knights did Leon stop to think again. How had he gotten in here again? The world around him spun and his head hurt. Worse than that he felt a desperate need to get out there and see how his people fared in the battle. Worries for those he knew best, fear for what could be lost at any moment… his mind urged him to get back and fight, while his body refused to listen.

Leon tried to get up once more but a pair of gentle hands urged him down. "Leon… please, you're worrying me." At last the dizziness faded and Gwen's face swam into his still somewhat blurred line of vision. He tried to answer her, but instead a burst of debris and flames blew into his awareness just before the world turned black.

* * *

In the infirmary Gwen rushed about in one of her old dresses. She wasn't a servant anymore, but her royal dresses were too fine and elegant to move around in while working hard to help her people. Blood had seeped into the rougher cotton of her lilac dress. So many injured men, and each of their wounds needed attention. Gwen had lost count of how many souls she and the other women had tended to.

At her side she noticed that Hunith hobbled around to aid a blonde haired knight down onto a makeshift cot. A streak of blood was smeared on the older woman's face, but no one would stop to wipe it off. There just wasn't the time for it. In the past Gaius would have ordered them both around, but now Merlin dashed in and out of her attention. The odd spell set a leg, or closed a bad cut… and for that she was glad. To have his magical aid offered them all a touch of hope, even amongst the injured men who had not trusted Merlin to the full before.

A hand rested on her shoulder just as she stepped back from another patient with a tired sigh. She turned her head to face the owner and smiled when Hunith nodded to her as if she understood the burden her Queen carried for them all. Had Leon and her made the right choice to fight? Looking around the infirmary Gwen began to doubt that they could win. So many souls lost so far…

"We had no other choice", Hunith squeezed into her shoulder and let go. "One way or another King Ecbert will be the death of us all. He is too driven and does not want to listen to the people."

Gwen sighed, "That is not what Barton said. Why do you think he still insists Ecbert will be merciful should we surrender?"

Hunith shrugged before her eyes drew elsewhere. Following her line of sight Gwen saw how Merlin slipped out of the room once more to tend to his other duties on the defence of Camelot. As ever Gwen could not fathom how far her friend stretched his abilities on a dreadful day like today. "Two places at once. I don't know how he does it."

"He pushes himself hard, like we all do." Even as she spoke Hunith beckoned to a couple of servants who brought in another person in need of care. They both wasted no time in following them over to the bed where they laid the broken man down. Setting out to wash his wounds and bind them Hunith answered Gwen's earlier question at last, "I fear that Lord Barton is wrong to trust in Ecbert's promises. From what we saw in Ealdor the foreign King knows no mercy. Even the children… he struck them down, Gwen, for no reason other then what he calls victory."

Gwen heard the tremor of sadness in Hunith's voice and understood how what the older woman had seen still hurt her. It made her reach out to squeeze a weary shoulder in turn. "I know", she said. "And that makes it all the stranger he should side with Ecbert. Maybe I ought to talk to Barton one on one to find out his reasons why?"

"You could", Hunith mused. "But I have not seen him around in a while."

Laying the washcloth to the side Gwen looked around. Yeah, she too had not seen or even heard of Barton in a while. Earlier that evening he had walked around with a certain air of arrogance and self importance about him, but from the moment the first arrows flew through the air he had fallen silent. In fact he had disappeared to the point where she had not seen him try and persuade other people's mind to surrender in quite some time. What did it mean? Gwen had no clue, but she worried it meant nothing good.

Intrigued by his absence she was half of mind to go and find him, but then movement by the entrance of the infirmary stopped her dead in her tracks. Shock and a flash of pain filled her heart at the sight of her husband leaning onto a squire for strength. Blood seeped into his copper coloured curls and he held his wrist against his chest at a sickening angle. Panic threatened to bubble up, but Gwen swallowed it back down.

"Over here", Hunith ordered. Her calm reaction spurred Gwen on to move too. Like one they gathered clean bandages, a bowl of fresh water and the herbs which Merlin had told them would ease the pain of the wounded.

The moment Gwen reached her husband's side though she faltered at the lack of recognition on his by far too pale face. Hazy blue eyes avoided her; restless in movement and dull in glance, as if Leon could not quite gather his awareness together anymore. Was it the knock to his head? The wound half hidden by his hair scared her. "Leon? Please… love. Do you see me?"

"I must…", Leon's voice did not rise above a mumble. "They need… the knights…"

Catching only the odd word or so Gwen reached the conclusion that his mind hadn't quite caught onto where he was yet. "It is alright. Here… lie down, let us…"

A weak hand tried to thwack her efforts away. In the corner of her eyes Gwen saw that Hunith too narrowed her eyes at his slow and uncooperative behaviour, "Sire?" Not even the call of his title shifted Leon back to awareness.

Gwen tried a different approach then and caressed his cheek. "Leon? Please, you're worrying me."

Haziness blinked away to sudden alert blue which was by far more normal for the childhood friend she had grown to love over the seasons. Leon opened his mouth then to speak, but Gwen never heard the words for they died before they could form. In a flash of abrupt terror a ball of fire and a forceful shift of unnatural pressure blew into the full infirmary, sweeping into the room and the weak with devastating force. Was it magic?

Gwen had no time to even register the new arrivals or wonder about what hit her. All she could do was surrender to the same force which threw Hunith several feet through the air and knocked her friend hard into a wall. Her anguished cry of pain as Gwen threw herself over Leon to protect him ended on a whimpered last breath. In its wake a heavy silence of defeat and grief fell down over Camelot.


	10. Blown to dust

**Chapter ten: Blown to dust**

A heavy cloud of smoke filled the corridor. On shaking legs and with his ears ringing Merlin scrambled back up to his feet. Something had put his magic on edge, as well as every fibre of his being. The enemy had hit from within! Merlin wiped the dust from his eyes with a sleeve. Able to see again he risked a glance into the hallway he had been heading into the moment mayhem erupted. Had the Saxons attacked the infirmary? A rush of growing dread and anger replaced his initial shock at the unexpected blow.

Ready to defend the wounded and lash out for the wrongful attack on the weak Merlin started to run towards the centre of danger. Would the enemy still be around, or were they heading to another target to bring Camelot further to its knees? Merlin did not think about himself anymore; had not done so in days, and he ignored the fact he was running on empty by now. All his mind could focus on was the need to protect his King, his friends… and his mother who had tended to the injured.

Mere moments ago the King's squire had told him Leon got injured. It was why he had headed back inside. Sure he had chosen to defend the town, but what use were bricks and mortar if their King fell? No, they needed a man to stand behind…

Mid-run his fearful thoughts came to an abrupt halt, as did his body. In front of him the infirmary made for an awful sight of destruction. Upturned beds and lifeless souls were covered under debris and layers of dust. Through a crack in the far wall sunlight shone inside. How long had he been out of it, lying in a back corridor? Merlin did not know, but he worried that it was for longer than he liked. What had happened to his home while he was down?

A flash of lilac fabric and blood covered curls of hair caught his attention. "Gwen!" He half hissed, half shouted a choked off plea for her to be alive against his better judgement. Even though he was afraid that enemy soldiers could hear him get through the mess of the infirmary Merlin pushed on until he reached her side. Falling onto his knees he turned her around. Met with nothing but a shadow of whom Gwen had been he almost threw up. "Why?" Hoarse from his emotions Merlin whispered, "Oh Gwen, I am so sorry…"

He faltered at the sight of his mother, who lay broken under the debris and slumped against the wall somewhat further away. "No…", he wanted to shout at the injustice, but distant footsteps and the instinct to survive made him bite back his despair. A glimpse of dark uniforms with the Mercian crest passing by the room in the hallway behind made him swallow down the bile of injustice. To attack the weak… to take out those who were injured and those who cared for them was an act of dishonour he could not fathom.

"… Ecbert has King Leon on his knees before his throne. The fool of Camelot has no choice but to surrender his town to us. His servant Queen is gone. If he still wants his children to live…" The soldier's voice faded into the distance as they walked passed Merlin without seeing him kneel among the rubble of his life.

Anger refuelled his strength and he let it feed his growing rage. Mourning for those he lost would have to wait, because his King still needed him to fight for him. Would Ecbert let Leon live? Merlin doubted it and so he crawled back up to run to the courtroom to end the foreign invasion now. They would bow before his magic, his anger… and he would spare no one who got in his way. No mercy, for they had pushed him too far!

Ever faster he ran onwards, through one hallway and around the corner to make it through another. A soldier rolled lifeless down the stairs, while his companion crumpled under a single stare of sheer power and a third flew into a wall after a wave of an elegant hand. Five more enemies lost their lives before Merlin reached the huge wooden doors of the courtroom. He burst inside ready to let go of his wrath…

"Ah, if it isn't the fallen King's pet sorcerer. I heard so much about you, Lord Emrys." The calculated, cold voice of Ecbert halted him in his tracks. "But do tell, what use are you after the fact? Will you defy your King's wish to surrender?"

"Ecbert", Merlin let the gold in his eyes simmer as a sign of his anger and of warning. He sensed though that it did not sway the man who held Leon's life in the balance. At best the hostage situation could be ended with one spell, but would that save the day when a so clearly injured Leon knelt on the floor with a sword pressed against his throat? Worse even, Merlin realised, was that soldiers held not only his King but the three children his royal friends had fathered as well. The present and the future of Camelot held in one hand. No wonder Ecbert looked downright smug about how events had turned his way.

At the sight of Barton stepping forwards Merlin felt the knife in his gut twist even more merciless and painful. "You betrayed us…"

"Lord Barton here was so kind to show us the backdoor."

Merlin wanted to wipe the arrogant smile from Ecbert's face and he could see that Percival, the last hostage in the room, agreed with him. The tall knight struggled and it took four men to hold him in place until Leon spoke up in a soft yet determined voice. "Please, I beg of you to let them go free. You wanted Camelot, my crown and I have signed away both. There's nothing more you can take that is worth anything to me…"

Ecbert pressed his sword a little firmer to Leon's throat, but he stopped when Barton began to speak. "Sire. Maybe it is not a bad idea to banish the weak? There is no place for them in my district, but their presence in other places may warn other leaders of the fact that no Kingdom can stand up to your rule."

"You mean, show mercy?"

Barton shrugged. "More like send a message to our neighbours, Sire."

"Hmm…", Ecbert glared at Merlin, as if he tried to get a reaction from him as an excuse to take Leon out after all. "And who is to say this one won't come after me?"

"Because I give you my word." Leon forced himself onto his feet, ignoring the sword held to his throat and the half protest of Ecbert. All the way he looked at Merlin with pleading eyes. "Emrys can wipe us all out if he so wishes, but there is no longer a reason for him to destroy what has fallen. What he and I fought for, _whom_ we fought for… it is no more, but I heard it said that what is lost may rise again."

Merlin could not look away from his friend. Curling his hands into fists part of him fought to contain his anger… and yet another part understood that which had always moved his friend had not once wavered from him. Calm courage, loyalty and a deep rooted honour were upheld even if this could be their last breaths. For Arthur they had protected Camelot, but for Merlin his friend had opened the door to set him free of obligations and send him off into the future to maybe one day see their King again. The use of his druid name hinted at the fact Leon had chosen to believe in the ancient prophecy he had once spoken of on a long evening as they drank wine together.

In the tears which threatened to spill over Leon's cheeks Merlin saw that his friend tried to say goodbye, but he did not know how to. Well, he did not want to hear it anyway, because he could never walk out without Leon… or Percival for that matter. Out of respect for his friend Merlin bend down on one knee before Leon. "Sire, I swore to serve you and I will continue do so until the end. If King Ecbert should choose to show us all mercy than he has my word as well."

* * *

It wasn't even noon yet when Leon rode out of the battered gate of Camelot, his home, and his friends followed on his heels. As if to fit his sombre mood it drizzled a little. His body ached, and his head felt worse than it had in the past after spending a long night at the tavern with Gwaine. Worse than his physical pain was the fierce ache in his heart. His mind could not wrap around the fact that he lost everything which mattered to him in a flash of fire. The cause of it all continued to elude his shattered awareness.

With his good hand wrapped around the leather of his reins Leon dare not ride fast out of fear that he would fall off while the enemy watched his forced retreat. The between the lines speech he'd given Merlin back in the courtroom had eased off whatever revenge he had seen burn in magic laced eyes. Though Leon had meant every word he said he wondered what might have happened to Ecbert and the future of Albion if indeed the warlock had struck him down.

No… he was the better man! Leon chastised the part of him which grew more and more angry and even bitter at the loss of his wife. A glance over at his children, and Percival riding with his youngest, reminded him of how he'd sworn to Gwen that he would protect them no matter the outcome of the siege. Honour bound he would do his best, but Leon did not know where he would be able to find the strength to teach them of life without their mother by his side.

The uncharacteristic silence around Leon added to the heavy weight of grief on his heart. Not a soul had waved him off, because Ecbert had taken his throne and everything he had as its former King. No, Leon had no reason for looking back… and that hurt him the most of all.

Further sadness shattered apart the pieces of his heart when his eyes glanced over the two broken bodies lying in the dirt below the wall. Raynold and Adair had appeared so strong together while alive, but nothing had remained of their fighting attitudes. All their empty looks up to the heavens conveyed was the wrongness of death.

Closing his eyes for the awful truth Leon rode on, passed the Darkling Woods and the battle damaged villages beyond. He hid in his brown cloak, not willing to show friend or enemy that he was but a mere shadow of a man and he had no intention of doing anything else but lead those whom he called friend or family to safety. His intent was so focussed on it that he did not realise how behind him Merlin and Percival began to steer him off towards a place where they could tend to his wounds.

With sombre silence as their companion it seemed not even bandits dared to stop the small group of refugees. It wasn't until someone called his mare to a halt that Leon blinked open weary eyes he did not remember closing. Had he slept, or had his wounds tired him out so much that he lost a part of the day he did not care much for?

"Hey", Percival greeted his bitter awareness with a shy half smile. "Come, let me help you down and inside. Merlin has lit the hearth…"

Leon slid from the saddle on automatic. It seemed his brain had not forgotten the many seasons of training even though his body ached and failed to comply to the full. "Thank you", Leon managed as his friend steadied his protesting limbs. "I don't know if I can make it inside…", he trailed off when he saw the distance between his horse and the door of the abandoned cabin someone once had called home.

"You can", Percival offered his arm of support with a determined, though grim smile. In the end it wasn't that his friend pushed him to walk, but more the fact that Sarah watched them approach from the poor excuse of a door. Her head of black curls and her concerned, far too worried eyes made Leon want to comfort her somehow. Maybe if she did not know how bad he felt?

"Father…", young Sarah's quiet call for her father to see her shattered what little resolve he had left to stay strong for his children. Unable to stop it Leon lost balance and he crumpled to the floor, his limbs giving up at the same time his battered mind did. Blessed darkness of unconsciousness saved him from having to face his daughters' tears and his growing weakness for any longer…

* * *

But facing the cold truth refused to be avoided altogether. Awakeness began days later when Leon could no longer keep his eyes closed in his enforced healing slumber. Percival had watched Merlin do his magical wonders on torn flesh and broken bones, but of course there was no spell to ease the wounds of a shattered heart. No, that had to come with time of adjusting and of acceptance of what once was and could never be again.

It did not help matters either that Leon's head wound had slowed down his body and his abilities to boot. Even walking did not come without a slur, or extra effort. It hurt Percival to see a once proud commander among knights reduced to a mere shadow of strength. In Merlin's slumped shoulders he saw his own pain reflected. And when Merlin asked him in a torn voice why his magic had come up short it had taken every inch of his calm to offer the broken warlock a shoulder of support.

As the days went by in a slow haze memories of his childhood returned, and of how it had ended at the wrong end of a sword on the day Cenred's army killed his parents and sister. Grief had stayed with Percival then for several seasons, but over time it were friendship and duty which had given him a chance to move past the anger and guilt of living on. Lancelot had been the first to offer him a lifeline, but the two men who had - like him - outlived even Camelot herself only had him left in the aftermath of their hardship. Who else could they trust when King Ecbert had eyes everywhere?

Words had never come easy to Percival for he was a quiet man even on the best of days. Of course he too grieved for the loss of Camelot, as well as for each fallen man he had once called a brother in arms. He had yet to even grasp the absence of the woman he had called friend. More than anything else it hurt him to see Leon without Gwen, to not see them share a quiet look of love and to not see Leon blush when his wife stole a kiss while others watched, as if he believed that at any moment Arthur too could see.

Worse even for Percival was to see Sarah, his goddaughter, and her younger brothers feel so lost in the solemn quiet of their father's sadness and their mother's absence. After his own broken childhood he understood the tears of the young better than he cared to admit to. In his silent mood he brought the children outside and away from the tense grief which held the cabin in its grip. Out in bright daylight he dried the tears of Thomas, the youngest of the three once royal siblings. He hated how they were forced to grow up, because their innocence was stolen from them in the dust of their home… and so he did his best to let them hold on to as much playfulness as he could find in them.

In the forest around the cabin he played hide and seek with them. When they needed a break from running he told them stories of valour, or they collected firewood and ate blueberries until their fingers were sticky from the juice. He taught them how to make sense of animal tracks left behind and how to read the signs of danger approaching. Twice they hid from soldiers, but by then he'd shown the children where to hide and how to become one with the forest. Sarah in particular filled him with the belief that they would find a way in life and on the day she wrapped her arms around him in a wordless thanks he understood his actions were what they had needed more than anything.

When the time came to move on, because they were afraid to stay anywhere for too long, he helped his former King onto a horse. "Thank you", Leon clasped his wrist, unable to say more for his broken voice could not form words under strained emotions. Percival understood the gesture though for he saw a glimmer of his old friend had returned in the stare which kept him rooted to the spot for a while longer. Leon was nothing if not observant. His children had found a way to cope and though neither one of them had the words for it they had both sensed how it began to unburden their worries.

In the following moons they journeyed on towards unknown lands, always unseen by others and always watching over their shoulders in alertness. With each stride their horses made they left Camelot further behind. Not one of them protested, or had the strength left to return to fight for what got lost on their watch. The scorched earth around them showed the bitter cold truth of Mercian rule. Greed for power had torn down humble walls, ripped apart lives and left no one united for peace. No, what remained was a world where each man had to fend for himself… and to see the destruction of every value they had fought for was the final push needed for them to stop looking back.

Even so not one of them admitted to knowing that Merlin hid the key to Arthur's old chambers in his pouch or that Percival had held onto what remained of his crimson red cloak of knighthood. No one said a word either when Leon cast off the ring bearing the seal of the Pendragons into the deep waters of Lake Avalon. All they could manage was to stand vigil in their minds as they watched over the lake, each lost in memories of the days when the sun had shone over their home.

And as they rode off further under the light of the evening sunshine Percival knew it was not goodbye. For as long as they each lived they would not betray their vows. Yes, their home had crumpled, but in their hearts they shared a bond which could not be broken by any outside force other than death.

It wasn't though until two summers into his life on the road, and of doing chores for a handful of coins along the way, that Percival found the one adventure he had always longed for in his romantic heart. Meeting Amelia had been fated, or so Merlin teased him when the mood struck. Regardless of beliefs Percival could only admit to falling for her at first glance with a shy blush on his cheeks.

They had ridden along the same path when they stumbled upon her. The wheel of her kart had lost the battle to a mud pool and it got stuck, no matter how hard she told her donkey to pull it out. She'd carried baskets of grain, fiercely protected by her dog. It had barked at Merlin, growled at Leon… and then looked at Percival with sudden silence. He had grinned at the reactions of his friends when the animal let him scratch her behind the ears. "She seems to like you", Amelia had smiled and it broke the ice.

Helping her had led to an invitation of fresh baked bread and more coins for chores. Her kind nature melted the last of the grief left in Leon's calm refusal to let go of his pain. In an odd way his tears made Merlin let go of his badly concealed bouts of anger and the strain Percival felt to watch over them all. And somehow they had stayed for the winter.

By spring Percival knew that he did not want to move on. His decision grew even more solid when Amelia one morning kissed him on the cheek in thanks. Their eyes lingered and for once his shyness did not come out in a blush. No, instead he found that he wanted to protect her, live with her and care for her until they both grew old. Her lips tasted of home, and Percival welcomed it with a kiss of his own. Little did he know yet that he'd gain an instant family before he watched Leon and Merlin ride off on their lone journey without him.


	11. Last to stand

**Chapter eleven: Last to stand**

Merlin had tried, and he knew Leon had too. Staying though was not an option for two souls who could not find rest. Too much had happened; a lifetime full of memories and adventures only they had left between them. Arthur, Gwaine, and so many others had fallen in the name of a kingdom which was no longer theirs. And yet here Percival stood before them to say goodbye without regret, because he had fallen in love and he was happier than Merlin had ever seen him.

A glance over to his side proved the dual emotions he had to leave Percival behind were shared by Leon. His friend had regained most of his physical strength, but even now in the returning look of full acceptance and sadness he saw that Leon wasn't back to his old self. No, just like him Leon had too many scars on his heart to fully recover. There were so many open wounds in fact that his friend agreed with his children about their decision to live with Percival and Amelia rather than travelling on with their life weary father.

Sorrow marked Leon's weathered face while he said his tearful goodbye to his children and he listened to Percival make his vow that he would always protect them. Maybe they would not see any of them ever again… but that did not stop the restless need to move onwards, or was that backwards? Not a word got spoken about it, but Merlin sensed that like him Leon had not closed off the most important chapter of their life. While they were not ready to go back there they both knew it was where they'd go before the end of their journey. And maybe once they did they could find peace?

Survival had been an instinct they could not fight, but over the seasons the guilt of it had become the bane of their existence. How much more suffering could they outlive? On the day they rode off side by side they both knew that they would keep a company of two… for their hearts could embrace no more. Friendships of the past had hurt too deep and they could only bear the memory of it in the silent company of each other. There were no more words needed to share their grief, no more stories and on some days even their tears were allowed to fall in a silent hug of understanding

Merlin admired the strength of the man they left behind with one last salute of the bond they had shared. But more than anything he found that he did not have the courage left for himself to face living among others and caring for them again. Not even the lingering words of Iseldir about the endless cycle of the earth and how in his long life he ought to hold on to it made him feel capable of moving on.

What was the point anyway? At least in this journey of two he could cling onto what he was… because for the life of him he could not fathom whom he might be after Leon passed the bridge into the next world. That day was far from his mind, and even when it wasn't he squashed it down. No… all he had was here and now!

Riding out further into unknown lands Merlin enjoyed the quiet company of his best friend. Many days had passed since they left Percival behind, and as Leon's hair greyed their pace slowed down. Sure they remained restless, but more than anything they had learned to enjoy the natural world around them. They had seen the mountains, vast forests, old ruined temples and clear river streams filled with life. While they ignored the people who lived in it they had become shadows in the changing world around them. Rumours of battle and hunger passed them by. It was just too hard to care again… and yet when innocent souls got hurt they intervened on behalf of whom they were and could never shake off altogether.

During cold winter nights they huddled close together. Sometimes before they curled up on a bedroll though they talked and drank the ale they had bought at a market stall. It was during a particular cold night they spoke of Arthur again. Wine warmed his throat while a fire warmed the rest of him. After a long silence Leon sighed. "You loved him."

"As did you."

"Not what I meant, and you know it." A knowing chuckle came his way and Merlin bowed his head in quiet admission that indeed he had understood what Leon intended to say. All the same Leon added, "Arthur holds half of your heart, and I think Gwaine stole the other half. You and them… there was always something about you, as if… like our quests could not quite be complete without the three of you. I don't know if that makes sense, but it is what I see as I sit here, looking back. Sure your magic has saved us, but without them your gift could not shine, because they grounded you. They gave you reason to go on even on the days when maybe you did not know how to."

Speechless by the truth of Leon's words Merlin held out his cup for a refill. His friend as always sensed his mood of contemplation and he poured the spiced wine in silence, not adding more food for thought on the unexpected turn the short conversation had taken. In appreciation of the gesture Merlin clang his cup against Leon's in a silent toast to the two men who would always be on his mind some place. "You are observant, old friend. I should have known you'd see passed my silence."

Leon shrugged, "The key of the royal chambers and the silver crest pendant held safe in your pouch gave it away to me long ago."

Unable to deny the plain truth Merlin grinned at the smart logic of his friend's mind and the way he had not said anything before tonight. "Why now?"

"It needs to be said, Warlock. Long after me you will walk on. I do not want you to be alone on your journey and they… I am sure that they too would understand if you were to find someone to warm your heart."

Merlin sighed, "They never even knew how I felt. I only realised after they…"

In the dark of night Merlin sensed rather than saw how his friend winced. "I am sorry."

"This is not goodbye, is it?"

"Not by a long shot", Leon clasped a hand around his shoulder. The offered lifeline of friendship had Merlin lean into the embrace. Though in his heart he loved Arthur and Gwaine more than he would ever love anyone he felt a deep connection with Leon; the man who knew him better than any other human being ever had and maybe even would do. To him Leon was the older brother he never had. In some way Merlin almost felt like they could become lovers, not that he ever felt the lust he associated with a relationship like it. No, the deep bond which they began to form since Arthur fell was so special that he did not have a name to call it.

So rather than contemplate it or deny himself of what he needed in this moment he let Leon lay them down next to the fire they had built. Sleeping in the cold and living through the long nights was only possible when close to another source of warmth. And over the last winters he had come to cherish the trust it required to spend the night under one blanket together. "Do you think… what you said before Ecbert banished us…"

Leon ruffled his hair at his inability for once to find the words. "Yes, the older I become the more I believe that the prophecy may come true. I know he never said it in so many words, but he needed you too, Warlock. It was in everything he did."

"Two halves of the same coin."

"Hmm, not quite", Leon disagreed with the phrase Merlin recited more out of habit than anything, because he had not heard anyone say it in many summers. "The both of you needed Gwaine to balance you out, to call your bluff and to mediate the sharper edge of emotions without even knowing he did so. Arthur may have been your sun, but Gwaine was the moon to you both."

Amazed by the revelation of his friend's ever quiet insight Merlin turned around to face him. "Poetic… and where am I in all that?"

"The earth", Leon did not waste a breath. "Your magic comes from nature itself, as does your soul. It is what you are. Now… cast your spell and go to sleep, or stay quiet so I can at least have some peace."

"Yes, Sire." Turning back around with a grin Merlin let the taller man spoon him so they could stay warm together. "Night", he said before he, as ordered, cast a soft spell under his breath to protect and hide them both from whatever dangers lurked in the shadows.

"Night, Warlock."

* * *

By the time the days drew longer they picked up on rumours about the Saxons moving on and of new borders of faceless Kings shifting into a splintered mess of Kingdoms. Could the stories the old woman in the marketplace told them about the fate of Camelot be true? Had Ecbert left their home behind after plundering the vaults? It wasn't even a question between them when Leon steered his mare around and Merlin followed after him. They needed no words to say that they both had to see for themselves what was left of their past and how Camelot had fared in their forced absence.

The distant mountains and green hills of Albion lured them forth, until the leaves grew yellow and red once more. To Leon's joy they reached the paths they remembered from quests of a past life. They crossed the border of their fallen Kingdom, or at least what used to be an invisible line between Camelot and Escetir. Leon felt the pull of home beckon him forth, but to his sadness he found that he could not ride as fast as he used to back then. His body had grown weaker than he liked; his age of seventy-five summers at last catching up with him even though his mind had refused to give up on being there for Merlin for as long as he could be.

His warlock friend though need not be told. Unhurried Merlin rode by his side, and where the paths through the forest grew narrow he followed suit behind him. It had become a silent agreement between them that they did not speak of the fact Leon more and more needed to search for words and that his weaker side did not always listen to his brain. His head injury had never altogether faded from him, but Leon had refused to let it rule his actions and for a long time he had gotten away with it. The many days of training as a knight had allowed him to wield a sword for long enough to even make it to today.

Leon could not help the wry smile when Merlin offered him a waterskin. Time had not caught up with the immortal man; his youthful looks had never quite left him even though grey streaks of hair and a few wrinkles fooled those who did not know him. A look of "what" came his way, but Leon did not voice his thoughts. Instead he steered his mare onto the left path at the fork in the road. "Tomorrow we will be home at last, old friend."

His remark met with a darkening look of the same fears Leon felt wrap around his heart as well. It had crossed his mind too that Camelot could lay in ruins, scarred beyond repair just like the both of them. Then again, Leon mused with a sense of surprise for the way his mind went, he felt by far less broken than he once had. Somehow it did not even hurt anymore to think of the past and the woman he had loved, and lost.

Life on the road with Merlin had given Leon a different meaning than his crown and vows once held, and far more freedom than he had ever had. The weight of choices did not wear him down anymore. All he had to decide each day was which way to travel and where to rest his head for the night. And if he didn't think of it Merlin would. No one but they themselves suffered if they chose wrong. Was this how Gwaine once had felt, before coming to Camelot? Leon found he at last understood the friend who used to be a total opposite to his calm tempered and law obeying self.

In his newfound peace which came with age Leon found he accepted whom he'd become. The once open wounds had closed, and some even healed. Time had not stopped for him like it seemed to have for Merlin. No, he had found his inner calm self again. The shy knight who had long ago knelt to receive his cloak and made his vows of duty had not left him altogether. His youthful self had simply grown up into a man who had lost his path but found his way home again.

A sense of hope warmed his soul as he rode on. Maybe his hometown too had found a way to survive, to somehow be no less than what it was and not still weighed down by old scars. Gwen rested there as did all of the people he had once known. Even Arthur's spirit would never leave Camelot, of this Leon was sure.

Everything he had envisioned though proved to come up short of the truth. The sight of proud towers rising up into the sunshine welcomed him back like old times in ways he had not considered. A long and wide tear in one of the towers drew his attention at first, but when he looked further he noticed that most of the citadel looked as strong as it ever did. Sure it was damaged. Leon was not blind to the fallen bricks and crumbled walls, and yet against the bright blue sky Camelot spoke to him like a flashback of time.

If he did not know better than he could almost expect a crowd waiting his return, or no Gwen would come down the stairs to welcome her husband home. He could almost see her except that next to her Arthur would be there too. In a flash he dismounted to walk the rest of the way. He had made it back at last. If he walked inside, he could go up to his old chambers or maybe…

His thoughts faltered at the sight of Merlin holding out a familiar bronze key on the palm of his hand for him. "Sire", his friend said while his hand trembled. "Welcome home."

Of course inside the castle a different story awaited their footsteps in empty hallways. The blasted Mercian soldiers had conquered, taken… and ruined far more than his life and the values of old. Once a sight to behold the Round Table, which used to be the centre of the Kingdom, lay ruined and scattered into pieces. Some of the stained glass windows were broken, shards of which had fallen to the ground outside the walls. A beam of sunshine lit the no longer polished wooden floor to show Leon the truth of how long it had been since he got pushed onto his knees before Ecbert to surrender his reign.

A hand squeezed his shoulder in reaction to his tears of grief. Leon need not look to his side to know that Merlin shared his anger at the state of their ruined past. Everything looked as if the soldiers had left the damaged town to the elements, uncaring for what they had conquered and torn apart. All the enemy had wanted were the riches of the no doubt emptied vaults. Leon feared that he would never know what happened to the people he had to leave behind. Had they sided with King Ecbert? Or had they died… or fled… or… no, he stopped himself from carrying the thought any further.

Instead of allowing himself to consider the worst Leon walked out of the large room and over to the royal chambers, once his sanctuary away from the crown. Outside the room he faltered for a moment, afraid of what awaited him inside. Merlin though changed his mind, "It's still locked, trust me."

Unchanged his chambers welcomed him, and for a long time Leon sat at the table talking with Merlin. Memories echoed between the walls until the candles had burned themselves out and the jug of ale stood empty. Led over to the bed by his friend he relived a flash of the past as Merlin undid his boots. Too tired to speak by then he rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. For the first time in ages soft linen sheets covered Leon as he surrendered to slumber and peaceful dreams of the past he would not wake from.

* * *

Merlin had seen it coming, even though he refused to admit to the last goodbye until he had to say it. The moment his friend laid down to rest an inner calm had fallen over him. Like him Leon had clung to life and together they made the most of what they had left in spite of all the cruel twists fate had cast over them. United they had stood strong, but now Merlin had to face eternity alone… like the prophecies had foretold.

Staring into the flames of the funeral pyre of Camelot's last knight he curled his fists in anger. Why?! He wanted to shout, plead and beg… but of course destiny would not grant him his wish to cross the bridge into Avalon after his friends. His end was not a given. Would he ever get to rest his damaged soul? No one knew the answer to his question.

 _"Once I am gone take my sword, Warlock. Cast it into the ground and let it protect his memory. Arthur will rise again and he will want to come here. Make sure that our King has a home left to go back to. Protect her… for you… for me… for the world. Let the people remember what is important. No more greed, or battle."_

Flashes of the last conversation with Leon echoed in his mind. Merlin had not been able to contradict the wisdom of it, because he knew it was a goodbye he was not ready for. A wry smile and a weak squeeze of age weathered fingers around his had conveyed the fact that Leon too had known that he would not wake up the next morning.

 _"Father gave me this sword, you see. And Tom… Gwen's father… he forged it right here in the lower town. His fires, the sounds he made as he worked… they are among the past of Camelot. You… you are its future."_

Words had come further apart, some sounding a little slurred as Leon spoke them, and it reminded Merlin of the pain his friend had suffered during the first desperate moons of their banishment. To overcome the blow on his head it had taken more than magic, because healing was an art beyond any other. Leon though had the right braveness in his heart for he had pushed himself further than most to survive even when it hurt to live on without the ones he loved. Was that what he had to do too now? Merlin wasn't so sure that he could find it in him to be just as strong.

 _"Live on for us all, Warlock. Love for Gwaine and fight for Arthur, breathe the air for me… until one day we will meet again in Avalon."_

Though the flames had died bright gold burned out in the world. A knight's trusted sword slid into the ground, cutting straight through the cobblestones on the surface with a little aid of magic until it disappeared beyond its grip. Satisfied with the result of his power Merlin found the spell in the depths of his soul and he let it rip out of him. Its words echoed between the ruined walls of Camelot. No man could ever walk here again, and no one would find the town unless he deemed them worthy of such an honour.

By dusk the ashes of friendship blew away on the wind. Merlin had waited until nothing remained of Leon and the last of his first life lay shattered around him just like Camelot itself. Surrounded by the fragments of a legacy he had wanted to last for longer than it was meant to Merlin fell to his knees and cried. Grief on top of grief left his soul so torn that he could not muster any strength to care for what came next.

It was Emrys who stumbled off into the dark of night; an immortal man so lost and broken hearted that it would take him about a century of time to find his path to live in the light of day again…

 **THE END**

* * *

Author note:  
*hands out tissues*. Thus ends the saddest story I have written so far. Fear not though, from here on out the Torchwood Tales project will continue into an adventure for Merlin in the 21st century... and he will no longer be alone. Guess who will be back to help him? And (points at title of the project) he will make some friends along the way. Curious? More can be read in "Mystery in Glastonbury", which will be up soon! One last note: Torchwood knowledge is a plus, but not a necessity. :)


End file.
